Pastry's dish

2012-01-19T00:13:00.000-07:00

Today, I sit here with somewhat mixed feelings. I'm trying to actually figure out what I'm feeling. I'm looking for a metaphor to describe this last week or so and I can't really find one.

I've had a situation where I really needed to pay attention to my professional and personal boundaries. It becomes a balancing act when a friend becomes a potential client, and how to navigate the system to ensure the friend gets the help required and ensuring I don't cross any boundaries - in avoiding moving from friend to professional. I think I was able to keep this boundary. It's different being on the other side. I got frustrated with the system. Got frustrated with some of the professionals. I even snapped at a nurse as a frustrated friend advocating for my friend. (The nurse, by the way, winked at me when he saw me in the hall today. So weird! And I still stand by what I said). And I needed to make sure I didn't deliver professional advice beyond being that friend who does know the system to some degree to help my friend navigate the system - giving information that is available to the public. It's hard as a friend to see someone going through stuff I know full well is painful, at times humbling, and difficult. It's also hard having my professional background that gives me a different insight into the situation - and having to sit back and not do or say anything. What could I do as a friend? Listen. Sit with my friend. Hug. Things friends do. I wouldn't regret this experience, though. It was good for me to be in this situation. And I think my friend got some help.

Also, I applied for a position recently where I felt I had a really good chance. I learned today I would not be interviewed. Part of me is sad. I was beginning to look forward to some of the opportunities that would come with this position. Part of me is ok with this decision. The job wasn't my 'ideal' job. So, maybe it's best I stay where I'm at until that 'just right' position comes along when I'm ready for it. Not that I'm looking for something else actively. I'm only at a place where I look at opportunities that sound interesting.

I learned that the Samba group I'm part of is dissolving. The Samba group is one of the things I was counting as a reason to stay in Calgary - something going for me here in Calgary that is not found in other Canadian cities I know of. So, this bit of news feels like one more thing in a process of letting go. Not that I'm letting go for a particular destination or position or anything.

So, how am I feeling? Meh. That pretty much sums it up. It's sad to hear the Samba group is dissolving. I was disappointed I didn't get an interview. There's not a lot I can do about either. It's true - I'm feeling 'Meh', which seems so weird considering the somewhat stressful week and the disappointing news. Maybe it's more a sense that life goes on. These are just points along the way in life.

Hope and a New Year

2012-01-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my annual trip back to Manitoba for Christmas. I drove this year. Driving is a good time for me to converse with God and to listen. Afterall, what else is there to do while driving. Well, other than listen to music and take pictures. Oops ... did I say that? Actually, I didn't take any pics this year while driving. Anyway, back to my point, God often speaks to me through music too, so that's as good a time to listen as any. My last entry indicates a little of the struggle I've been having lately. During my drive out, and throughout my trip, the theme 'hope' seemed to come up. That this year is a year of hope. From songs that talked about hope and really resonating with me, to lyrics that suggest being thankful in that moment is a factor leading to hope, to a sense that things are going to change over the next while and a sense of excitement about what that could mean, to just having a really good trip and a lot of good relationship building. Actually, prior to my trip, I sensed God breathing the word 'hope' into me. Metaphorically, of course. But, whenever I was praying, this word came to mind. It was neat that a series of things all seemed to resonate with that. I experienced things that seemed to revive me. I 'skated' at the Forks - fast, too, while my sister was skating and pushing me. I felt good about my interactions with my family. I spent time with people who mean a lot to me while I was in Winnipeg. I had an awesome New Years.

In the end, though, I had a very hard time leaving this time around. I really did not want to go back to Calgary. I long for a sense of community. Calgary just doesn't feel like community. I don't know my neighbours. I know their dogs better than the people - and that's pretty sad. The whole motivation for so many people is 'how much money can I make' and 'oh, no, I can't afford to live so I must make more'. So it becomes a rat race with few personal connections. I'm not saying I don't have personal connections here - I do have some good friends. Just, overall, there isn't a sense of community. I felt community while in Manitoba this year. I felt loved, accepted. And I felt like I was contributing to the lives of people in my interactions. I still don't feel like anything is tying me to Calgary, other than the fact I work here and have some things I enjoy doing. I feel that can be built elsewhere too. So, I'm not saying I'm going anywhere. But I also feel free to go wherever God has a plan for me. And part of that brings excitement. That God has great plans for my life!

Work wise, I would love to work with communities where people are experiencing poverty. Maybe working in an orphanage. Or, working with people living on the streets or at risk of being homeless, or families who are down and out. Or maybe a community program somewhere, or developing a new program somehow. Something out of the box, of course! :) I'm not hurrying to do something different but this kind of thing is what I want to get back to at some point. And, honestly, Calgary is not really where there is a lot of any of the real poverty. Yes, there's homelessness and some significant social justice issues. But there are so many resources for them - just not OT. So who knows?! The world's my oyster! But God will need to orchestrate everything!

So this year, I didn't really make new resolutions. The things I wrote down are things I'm doing already or have done and want to continue. However, I did make a goal of taking at least one trip that is not to Manitoba - to go somewhere new. The rest of my 'resolution' is to live as much as possible within my values. This includes making decisions that reflect my values.

Times are a'changing ... and it's hard

2011-12-19T00:14:00.000-07:00

Times are changing. I suppose change is supposed to be a good thing. Today, my small group decided to end the intentional small group and move to more of a get together less frequently. It's sad for me because the rest of the group all has a place to go - a plan. And I don't. I feel lost. I feel like I am losing my connections to people. I also feel like I am losing my family - this is the only family I really have here in Calgary. I have other friends, but this group is my family here. I fear I will lose more friends because as groups end, people disperse as the closeness lessens. I've already lost connection to two friends from this group when they left the group.

I feel like I don't have any spiritual grounding place anymore. I knew it was coming, so it wasn't really a surprise. Yet, I couldn't help but notice that today was probably the first time everyone was honest with each other about their feelings. Actually talking about feelings. So, it's weird that as we finally take that step to real closeness, we are choosing to end it. I also struggled with feelings like, "am I the only one who finds this hard?" Surely, if we were really a close knit group, it would be hard for others. One would think. But nobody else seemed to struggle. And then I wonder what's wrong with me.

This is coming after several people who I have become somewhat close to at work are leaving or have left. And at a time when I am meeting a number of new people but haven't developed close relationships. Maybe this is an opportunity for new close relationships. Right now, I'm not feeling that sense of opportunity. I'm feeling a sense of loss. It's interesting timing because every time I head home to Manitoba, I have a sense that I want to be back there. Then I get back here and appreciate what I have. Or reason takes over - that I have a job here and jobs there are hard to come by. A nice place to live here. Friends to hang out with. Other responsibilities. And I stay. Right now, I don't have a single reason to stay - not even the fact I have employment (which I do). Even my involvement with Dragonfly is not exciting me. It seems like some elusive grand idea - something that isn't even within my grasp. I think what I'm desiring is a deep, personal connection. I'm also desiring a solid spiritual grounding that comes from being in relationship with other believers. I long for hints of some good things that are to come. A taste of the good things. Because right now, I'm not sure if there's anything that is really exciting me or connecting me to anything. It's a dark place to be, and I know it won't last. I don't dwell on the darkness. But right at this moment, when it seems so many good things are changing, that's how I'm feeling.

Music is healing to the soul

2011-12-03T00:37:00.002-07:00

Today wasn't a bad day, but by the end of the evening I was feeling a little down. I guess I let it hit me that two of my good friends at work had their last day today - moving on to other things. And another good friend from work just got another job today and will be moving on. Things are changing. They're moving on to other things and I guess, in a way, although I had decided recently that I need to stay where I'm at for the time being, I feel like I want to be moving on to more exciting and new things. And I'll miss them. Work just won't be the same without them. And that's sad. I also got to thinking about some of my friends and I wonder how they're doing. It's been a while since we connected.

Just before I started blogging today, I was listening to some music by one of my current favourite artists - Jon Schmidt - as well as some other piano based music. I really paid attention to my feelings as I was listening. Music has a way of healing. But also of making me cry. I'm not sure those tears were tears of sadness, although I did notice I started processing how I was feeling and was able to write it down (see above). I'll post them below within this entry. If you get a chance, have a listen. Notice how you feel - what your emotions do - when listening to the songs. The song 'Bring Him Home' is so haunting. This is the song where I noticed I was tearing up. The Charlie Brown song literally made me laugh and feel so much joy. I listened to a few others and just let the music wash over me. It's neat when I take time to pay attention to what music does to me - how it can be so spiritually connecting.

Experience the joy I experienced while watching this video!

Cohousing - an idea I'm contemplating

2011-10-29T16:15:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted in a while. Life has been busy, with finishing off my course I'm teaching, to getting the youth year kicked off, to simple every day things. However, one new thing I'm considering is the idea of cohousing. I've met with a group in Calgary (Dragonfly Cohousing) and I'm strongly considering connecting with this group and becoming a part of it. I like the idea of living in community. Maybe in my current situation of being single, I am thinking of ways to build that community around me - to have some connectedness. I also have never liked the idea of suburbia. I don't like living in a place and not knowing those around me. Maybe part of that is my experience of growing up in a small town. At least for many years, we knew all our neighbours. Neighbour kids often came by to play street hockey. A neighbour girl who had some problems at home felt at home coming to our house, and I remember my mom teaching her how to sweep the floor. She also baked with us sometimes. This same girl ended up being someone I became a 'big sister' to for a while. I had close friends who lived on my street or just a street over, and we often went to each others' houses. Our parents didn't seem to be too concerned - they knew in general where we were and that we were being taken care of. I don't like the idea of all the houses looking the same, which is common in suburbia. I like having the convenience of things within walking (or scooter) distance. I like having the opportunity to go downtown, or go down to the river. Although I love driving, I also like the idea of being able to get groceries while on my scooter, or just strolling around the neighbourhood taking pictures. There's not much in that way where I live right now. They are also planning on having a garden for fresh vegetables and herbs (if I heard correctly). The cohousing project won't be ready for at least a year or two. They are all interested in healthy eating, which would be a great side benefit - encouragement to eat healthy. The year or two wait will probably be good timing for me when considering buying a place. This particular group of people are also committed to making the place accessible and a place to age into. I need something like this. I like the idea of having input as to what the place and community I live in will be like. I also like the idea of being in community.

There are concerns, though. The site chosen is on a big hill. It's scary for me to think of buying into something when I don't know what it will be like in the end. Will this slope be problematic for me mobility wise? And, with my experience of growing up in the country, and also, right now, of living at the edge of the city, will I feel too enclosed with buildings all around me? The one thing I didn't like about being downtown was the concrete jungle. For me, being at the top of the hill may feel less like being in a concrete jungle as I'd be able to see further. At the bottom, I'd be looking up at buildings all around. That part has not been decided. I'm guessing, though, there will be ways to get around that feeling, particularly if there will be gardens on the property and other outdoor features that will feel less like a concrete jungle. I also wonder about snow removal. What will that be like on that street? Then again, it's never been good anywhere I've lived. It's Calgary, afterall. Living at that location will mean a longer commute, but then, I have come to the conclusion, one can never guarantee where they will work in a few years. Purchasing a place based on current work sites is maybe not so wise. Mind you, it would probably only add 5 minutes to my commute to the hospital, and would be less to SAIT. My veterans work is wherever they are, and can't be planned for. Being central would be nice for many reasons. I just hope that a grocery store will be built nearby that location soon. So, I guess lots to think about. Lots to pray about. I really do like the concept, though, overall.

Great Read - 'Expecting Adam'

2011-10-15T15:42:00.002-06:00

Reading 'Expecting Adam' by Martha Beck, a book about a woman who has a child with Down's Syndrome and her transformation from a Harvard woman who was all about her career, getting ahead, being productive, to becoming a woman who lives for the moment and really focusing on spending time on things that really matter. For her, it wasn't the great scholars of the world who taught her how to really live - it was her son and her spiritual transformation that occurred while she was pregnant with him. While she continues to grapple with what she believes, she knows her strength is not solely hers alone - that it comes from somewhere else. And that there is something extra special about her son that she is so thankful for. Great read. So refreshing! Just to note, in addition to a great writer, she's a great public speaker, really encouraging people to choose career paths that are meaningful rather than focusing on productivity and making lots of money.

It's been an interesting 24-and-a-bit hours

2011-09-09T01:17:00.000-06:00

This entry may be a little scattered as the bits that made this past day and a bit interesting are somewhat unrelated.

First off, when I got home yesterday evening, I saw a mouse in my new apartment. It seemed I startled it when I opened the door, as it took quite the long jump - at least 2, almost 3 feet. I never saw it again - probably thankfully. But believe me, every time I went into my office where I saw it running toward, I walked with trepidation, and I made sure I made noise before entering the room so as to either warn the mouse or allow it to run out before I went in. I feared I'd have a hard time falling asleep knowing it was in the apartment, but I guess, living with a mouse for about a month at the house trained me to be ok with it around. I just don't like being startled by the sudden movements, and I don't like the fact field mice carry things like henta virus and Hep A.

The rest of the evening was neither here nor there. I packed for the weekend and worked a bit more on my course.

Today, I woke up, sensing that something wouldn't quite go as I'd hope today or this weekend. I feared things like falling or getting injured. I prayed about that and I feel a bit better, but still I felt unsettled. It was a weird day, though. And I do think God protected me several times. While driving, one individual cut me off quite severely at highway speeds. I really don't think he was paying attention at all. He just changed lanes in front of me without signalling ... or apparently shoulder checking. But, I reacted quickly and safely and stayed safe. It seemed like there was another incident while driving up to Edmonton too, but nothing as significant as that one.

On to my travels within the city of Edmonton. It felt so disorienting as I didn't actually have a map of where I was going. I knew enough to know that I needed to drive in the Northeast direction. I had looked at a map last night and I felt fairly certain I would find my way to the hotel without taking a detailed map along. Afterall, I'd been there before. But, no, that didn't happen as I planned. I did find my way to the ring road. And, even in that process, it felt weird not really knowing where to drive. I was purely using logic to find my way. My problem came when I thought I was following a sign to get to the Yellowhead and ended up on some little 2-lane road that seemed to go nowhere. It felt eerie. It was the kind of road you'd expect dangerous things to happen on - places where nobody would find you. Nobody else was around. I wanted to get out of there fast. I turned around after a bit, but I had to search my vehicle to find my map of Edmonton - which apparently never made it to my new vehicle. I did find an Alberta map that gave me enough information to realize what I did wrong. I was so thankful for that! Then I got to the hotel and there were no spots left to park except the spot reserved for the taxi company. They let me park in that spot, so that was good.

I feel settled in my room and I think it should be a good night. I am hoping I sleep well and am awake for the whole conference. I am looking forward to the conference. If today's meeting with Alberta Mental Health OT's is any indication, tomorrow should be a good day. I felt refreshed in my career, just being at the meeting. I got excited and passionate about ideas I would like to do with my practise. I had a renewed desire to pursue a PhD and got some ideas for projects. I learned of new opportunities for OT work with the veterans. That will take time. But, at this time, I am still in a permanent 0.8 position at the hospital and I still feel that is where I'm supposed to be right now. In time, maybe I can try to pursue some of these things.

I really do enjoy these opportunities to network with other OT's working in mental health. I also like the learning opportunities of these conferences. Again, it renews my interest in continual learning - my academic side shining through.

So on that note, I should sign off. I really do hope that those ominous feelings I had this morning go away and that all of the things are now over with or even totally avoided. Right now, I am not feeling the way I did this morning. I also hope and pray this weekend with the youth will be amazing - on so many levels. Spiritually, relationally, fun, no injuries or mishaps. A chance for us all to grow together. I will be sharing one story during the talks this weekend about how God has spoken to me and I pray it will somehow be beneficial to someone or many. One of my friends is the weekend speaker, so I'm sure he is looking for wisdom to know what to say and how to say it.

Summer

2011-09-05T00:13:00.002-06:00

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted!

A lot has happened this summer. In some ways, anyway. As I posted last time, I moved to a new place and it's working out well for me. It is probably the most accessible housing situation I've ever had. It comes at a hefty price, but it is still cheaper than living in the Beltline. Fortunately, I have steady income now. I had a few hiccups shortly after I moved. It seemed there was a power surge and my laptop and all peripherals died. I've revived the computer partially - enough to access my files, but I can't run any peripherals through it. I had to buy a new laptop, a new printer, a new usb hub, etc. But, I also learned, in the process, how to set up a network and how to do some technical things with the computer that I didn't know how to do before.

Good times! We couldn't get one where we were both fully in the picture. It was so funny!

I took a trip to Manitoba this summer again. It was a much needed trip. I also had some memorable experiences ...

The Klassens

The outhouse door

stopping at a rest area because I really need to use the facilities, only to find one of the doors to the outhouses was completely broken, and the other, where the door apparently didn't stay closed. I found that out the hard way, but fortunately, no one else showed up. Seriously, I have not had good outhouse experiences this year - the youth weekend back in May was also an example of this. Both times, I really needed to use the facilities so I just used them anyway.
seeing a broad variety of roadkill - porcupines, a fox-like animal but bigger than a fox, some very unrecognizable but large animals, several skunks, and probably more.
having an amazing time with God where he spoke to me about walking with me and how my heart is a garden and he is the gardener. Maybe I'll write a post about it and include a link to a few songs that fueled that conversation.
saying good-bye to the Patmobile and saying hello to my new(er) Rav4. This is a positive thing - the car did not die but was on its last legs. This new vehicle will allow for the installation of a scooter lift at some point in the future, which will greatly increase my independence. If only funding were available in this province to cover modifications!
seeing someone from highschool. That was a surprise.
a much needed massage.
going to a small town fair, taking pictures of the rides at night, and getting a henna tattoo.
driving fast down Hwy 8, passing lots of vehicles - right Greg? :) And of course Gimli beach and wave surfing.
fresh garden vegetables and fruit! Green beans, carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, strawberries... mmm.
spending time with family.
connecting with some dear people in my life. It feels so good to really connect. And to feel wanted and loved. The hugs are amazing too! It makes me want to be back in Winnipeg.
attending a beautiful wedding, seeing some extended family (and again the hugs), and the laughs during conversation. Oh, and taking random pictures. :)
Mojitos! The theme of my trip, apparently! :)
and of course, taking more pictures!

Other aspects of summer I enjoyed:

church family camp.
a visit from The Falks :) and the amazing Morrocan restaurant.
the beautiful warm summer - so unusual for Calgary.
watching Ultimate - go Raptors!
sitting on my patio.
the dragonflies.
Julie's visit in July and The Klassens visit in August.
living across from Global Fest and having a prime view of the fireworks. And of course, taking pictures. :)

The less pleasant aspects of this summer:

moving! Although I am SO thankful everything came together so well for the move. I had friends from so many different areas of my life help out so it ended up that nobody ended up doing all of it. This started from the packing up, to the moving, to the cleaning of the old and new place, to the unpacking. I really am blessed!
packing and unpacking! And sorting papers. Ok, that's all part of moving too. Did I mention moving?!
having to put out of a lot of unexpected money. Although I do enjoy the new versions of what I bought - the vehicle, the computer, the wireless printer.
feeling the stress of too many commitments on top of the life stressors such as moving, changes in work hours and responsibilities, etc.. I need to take care of myself in this way.
not getting to see Brittany much - only a couple minutes. You'll have to come visit!

The new and the old

I'm not ready for summer to end, although fall is full of possibilities. Fall looks like it will be super busy and I've been enjoying the more laid back summer. I will start teaching the mental health course at SAIT again in September in addition to working at the hospital and doing my veterans work. The youth year will also be starting up at about the same time. I really do hope I can balance my life to take time for self care, exercise, friends and music, on top of other commitments I had previously. I know for my personal and spiritual wellness, I need to make time to get out into nature. take pictures, and to connect with people on a personal level. The long drive by myself to Manitoba was so needed on a spiritual level! Not only did I get out of the city, but I listened to music, I prayed, I stopped as I wanted to take pictures, and I relaxed. These are all important parts of my life. If things get too crazy, I will have to figure out what I can cut out so I stay well in all aspects of my life.

Regarding all the picture taking I mentioned - I haven't sorted through or uploaded all my pictures yet, but here are a few pictures to get you started. I have a few entries in mind that I want to write about as I've been thinking about some things. I do hope I have time, or rather, that I make time, to write and post these entries because blogging is also a very good spiritual and personal wellness exercise. But for today, I will end this post. I am frustrated because I can't seem to get the pictures to line up properly, so unfortunately, this post may look a little scattered. Nevertheless, Enjoy!

A New Chapter ... or maybe just a new page

2011-07-04T00:39:00.000-06:00

As some of you know, I'm moving once again. Later on today (as it's after midnight), in fact. It's been amazing how people have come forward to help me out. Yes, I had to initially ask. However, I'm seeing friends who seem to want to help - coming from many different areas of my life. I need help with all aspects of moving from packing to the actual move to the unpacking. Connections through work, international students, church, family, my small group, music involvement, movie and book discussion nights, etc. Initially, I had some concerns, as I realized that much of my small group is not really around anymore, or some are simply so busy right at the moment- and the group has been such a strong support in my previous moves. This time, I'm seeing more diverse people, which is cool. And, I think, this speaks to my conscious effort to connect with people both in church and in other areas of my life. So far, the packing process has also been a way to connect with various people. When my cousin was over the other night, we packed several boxes, but we talked for 3 hours in the process. I guess this diversity also speaks to being involved in more things than I have been previously.

In many ways, this is a new chapter, or at least turning a page in the book of my life. I will be saying good-bye to the couple upstairs who have become my friends. They are moving as well, and not just relocating within Calgary but moving across the province to the north. I'm also moving into an apartment where I have no idea what to expect other than that it seems like a nice place to live. My finances will, once again, look different. This rent is double what I'm paying now. However, it seems inevitable. At least it's cheaper than my place in the Beltline.

In other areas, I'm seeing some changes happening - I'm hoping they are all for the good of everyone. At times, though, it may be hard. I hope that, somehow, some aspects will be very welcome and very good in my life. I've done some reflecting and praying, particularly last night. It seemed like God was speaking to me about some stuff. I sat outside for a couple hours, just thinking, praying, and looking up at the stars. I made some decisions personally. Interestingly, the timing seemed perfect, as I heard some news today that just reaffirmed my decisions and thoughts. I felt good about it, on the one hand, and on the other, I have no idea how things will go from here. If some of the realizations I came to are, in fact, true, I don't know what steps to take. I just have to trust God has a plan and that he will present the opportunities and that I will take those opportunities as he provides. Today, I had two glimpses of potential opportunities through conversations. I also had some other conversations with complete strangers that were so encouraging. It felt like I am doing something right in my life, and that I should continue to dream and act on those dreams. So, in a way, I feel hopeful. This has nothing to do with moving. Still, it seems to all have occurred in one weekend. I'm glad I feel hopeful. At the same time, it feels like everything is so out of my reach and I don't know how I will get there.

Beautiful Artistic Capture of a Tender Moment

2011-06-17T23:29:00.003-06:00

Image found on CTV.ca in the article 'Vancouver kissing riot couple surprised by attention', dated Friday, June 17, 2011.

I love the artistic flair of this photo, taken by freelance photojournalist Richard Lam. I'm not into kissing photos, but this is an epic shot! I love how only the couple are in focus, and all the other drama is out of focus. It's like the couple were in their own world. This picture was taken during the Vancouver Riot following the final Stanley Cup game a few days ago.

Article - Harm reduction is God's grace

2011-05-29T01:08:00.005-06:00

Harm reduction is God's grace

Please read the linked article (Harm reduction is God's grace) to understand what this post is about, as I've referred to the article as a basis to this post.

This article is about harm reduction and the connection with Christian faith. I've thought about this concept a lot since I began my training to become an Occupational Therapist, and also once I began practising. I have had co-workers outright threaten me when I've advocated for harm reduction, and I've also experienced shared views from co-workers in advocating to use a harm reduction approach. It is a controversial topic - one that I'm sure will continue to be a topic to be wrestled through. There is a time and place for this approach, and there are times when I would not advocate for this approach. However, I agree with the view shared in the article that there are times when harm reduction is living out God's grace. That where some people are at, this is the best approach to minimize damage and to still walk alongside them and care for them. I don't think I really thought through how this approach fits with my faith until I read this article but there were situations where this just seemed right. I didn't think through exactly how it fit with my faith, but in the back of my mind, I knew it did. When I read the article, I couldn't have put it in better words.

"As Christians we believe that God loves us no matter what and he sticks with us. We're told this through the story of Israel in the Bible of people who mess up and God stays with them. We're a continuation of that story."

"Harm reduction is a Christian way of living among people with addictions. Christians have often not understood harm reduction in that way. They've understood it as sin being encouraged."

For more information on Harm Reduction, follow the links below:

Harm Reduction Fact Sheets

Principles of Harm Reduction

Also, just to note, not only is harm reduction used for drug and alcohol related situations, but it is also used for potentially harmful lifestyles (e.g. providing condoms to sex trade workers).

More from Jon Schmidt - 'Michael Meets Mozart'

2011-05-19T00:08:00.002-06:00

I love this guy's music. Here's his new video,Michael Meets Mozart . Enjoy!

And another video by the same guy. This one's called Waterfall. I"d love to play like this!

In Memory of Grandma

2011-05-18T00:23:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago, I saw a bag of Lifesavers. I was reminded of Grandma, so I bought the bag, sort of on an impulse. I didn't open them, though, until today (or technically yesterday, May 17). May 17 was her birthday. She was almost 100 years old when she passed away. I was in the room when she died. It was more peaceful than I would have expected. There is kind of a neat story behind her death. She wasn't ready to go for a long time, even though she was quite elderly. She had spunk. She had a desire to love. To give. To serve. To make blankets for people, even when her eyesight was going. But, I believe it was the night before she passed away, she had a dream about going to heaven, if I remember correctly. After the dream, she desperately wanted to talk to the chaplain about this dream. Then, she was ready to go. It didn't take long after this. I wish I remembered the details of the dream. I know I heard the story. Something in the dream made her feel ready to meet Jesus. I often regret I didn't make the effort to learn how to communicate in Low German. She was most comfortable speaking this language. Instead, she spoke to me in German, and I spoke to her in English, and we conversed quite well. Grandma lived in the same town as us, just 2 streets over, so my sister and I often went to Grandma's on our bikes. I remember trying different foods she made - homemade raspberry juice. I liked that, but I remember Julie wasn't so fond of it. Her yummy cookies, especially the white ones with icing and coconut. Kielke and gravy. And I remember the cookoo clock. I'd still like to have that one day, but I guess it went to someone else. I remember her laugh and her crinkly eyes. She was a beautiful person, inside and out.

Lifesavers are a symbol of Grandma. Every time we went to her place, she gave each of us kids a 3-pack of Lifesavers. Sometimes a few packs. We all had our favourites. Mine was yellow, I believe Julie preferred orange, and I believe Casey preferred red. Maybe I'm wrong about that, but we rarely fought over the colours, because sometimes we had to share packs. Or, we gave our least favourite colours away and collected all the candies from the packs in our favourite colours. I remember sharing Lifesavers with my cousins, particularly one cousin. Maybe next time I see her, I should bring my bag of Lifesavers with. :) My favourite Lifesaver colours are yellow and orange. Today, I savoured the flavours. I remembered and I am remembering as I type. I have happy memories. And I also really tasted the candies. I noticed the orange ones have a sourness to them that I really enjoy. The yellow ones (particularly the lemon ones) do as well. Hmm ... maybe that was the beginning of me loving sour - anything. Lemons, candies, juice. No, not anything. Lol. Sour milk, which I also had today, is not particularly enjoyable! I'm laughing just thinking about that. Anyway, I digress. I don't have any pictures to share of me and Grandma, or even of Grandma herself. I wasn't into taking pictures as much back then. But I want to say, I love you Grandma. And Lifesavers will always remind me of you!

Change. I suppose it's just part of life.

2011-05-07T00:48:00.002-06:00

It seems as soon as one aspect of my life has somewhat settled and gotten into a routine, the rest seems to be heading into change. Once again, I will be moving. The house I live in is going on the market. I just started to feel settled, and then this happens. I absolutely hate moving. The actual moving part. I guess, the change piece I'm a little more ok with, but whenever I move, I have to rely on others for practically everything. And now, this place needs to be ready at all times for potential buyers to see. I don't have a show room place by a long shot. I know I'm not super neat and tidy. And, this week, of all weeks, it's worse than usual. Of course, today was the day the realtor came to have a look while I was away at work. Pretty much, I was asked to pack up most of my stuff and put it somewhere. Agh. This is so frustrating. And I know the only reason the house is being sold is because the people upstairs are moving. I would have liked more notice. I would have liked to know when they knew, or even had the idea they might go sooner than later so I could prepare. Instead, I just finished unpacking all but about 2 boxes. I have a stack of boxes just sitting there right by the door. I don't like moving every year or two. Or, as was the case last year, more than once. I think it was twice within one year. There is a slim chance I could buy the house and do some modifications. At the moment, this would be the ideal situation. At the same time, owning a house costs a lot too. I do like the neighbourhood. Yes, it's not classy. I like the multicultural aspect of it. The aspect that the people here are real people, and not just people holed up behind a garage door that goes up, then goes down, and the neighbours never connect. I like that it's only about 10 minutes from work. I don't much like the fact the garage is not attached, but maybe that's something that can be addressed by having a bit of a covered walkway or something. I don't know. I guess this is all dreaming. I really don't want to go back to living in a highrise. I like living in a house. I suppose I've been spoiled by living here. At the moment, I don't even have a down payment, so it seems rather wishful-thinking to even consider the idea. Or the idea of finding a different place to buy - that seems quite overwhelming right now, but it feels right to consider this house.

Aside from the fact I need to move, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. I have no idea how I'll get my place clean, neat and presentable to the state required for a 'showing' in a matter of a couple days. I have so many other things I need to get done like my taxes and some work for a contract. Next week, I'll also need to write a report for a different contract. That's all on top of working full time. My new position officially starts this week, but my schedule will still be full time for the month of May. I took on new responsibilities at church, and now with the youth pastor stepping down, I have no idea what it will look like to be a youth sponsor and do my other role. How much time will be involved? Thinking about all of this, I wonder how I will have time to take care of myself or to just hang out with friends or to take care of my spiritual well-being. Mind you, even for tonight, I was trying to make plans with people, and others don't have time either or are somehow keeping busy otherwise. This lack of connecting with people is a change for me that I'm not enjoying and I want to change that back but I don't know how. I'm not one for big parties, but I do need personal connection with people and I miss that so much. I really do need to find some balance in life. With everything seemingly being thrown at me, I am struggling to find that balance. I need some balance to deal with everything in a healthy way. Hmm ... a vicious circle?

Maybe this is all hitting me when I'm physically not at my best. Maybe, give it a day or two, and I'll see things differently. I hope so. I hope to have more energy and more drive. I hope to be pain free and feeling like I can make all this work.

How Great Thou Art

2011-04-26T23:56:00.000-06:00

What a beautiful rendition of one of my favourite hymns! What a powerful and amazing voice!

Hallelujah - with a jazz twist

2011-04-09T19:29:00.000-06:00

One of my friends said this song reminds her of me. I actually do like this song a lot but had never heard this version. This version is slightly different than what I'm used to with the deep bass and the organ and jazz tones. My favourite version is still by Il Divo - such a rich tenor. I like the jazziness of this version, though.

"Hope is a passion for what is possible" - Kierkegaard

2011-04-09T14:18:00.002-06:00

I noticed this quote today and I'm still digesting it. It was the introduction to a story about a boy who was homeless, lost everything in a torrential downpour, and was completely broken. The one connection he had to his sister, the person he loved most, was lost in the rains, and for him, it was like someone he loved dearly had just died. Along comes a person who works with youth on the streets, and he tries to 'fix' everything, only to realize he needs to allow the person to grieve. A few days later, Katrina (the hurricane) comes along and the boy is deeply affected by the loss experienced by the people in the line of Katrina. Instead of panhandling for himself (and he desperately needed it, especially now that he had lost everything he owned), he panhandled for Katrina. He ended up giving all that he had for other people, and this made all the difference in his life. He had hope. He started making changes in his life. I know I'm missing big parts of the story, and to be honest, I'm still digesting the rest of the story. There's a lot to unpack in this story - some more on the level of working with this population and some as simply a person living in Canadian society seeing people on the streets. This passion to help people became his hope, and with this hope, life became possible for this boy. This step was a springboard for him to make many positive changes in his life.

Maybe I'll come back to unpacking this quote more, and maybe even unpacking this story more in another blog post. We'll see. In the mean time, I'm thinking of using this story as a discussion starter for Youth night on Wednesday, although I'm not sure I'll get through reading it out loud. I was bawling most of the way through. I wasn't sad for the boy - I think I was actually crying for this amazing self sacrifice. And the difference this act made in helping this boy move on in life. I saw myself in the story too - in the street worker. He wanted to solve the problems. He had solutions - get this guy into a shelter, get him housing, get him new clothes, get him a new sleeping back, etc. What this kid needed was to have his feelings validated. He needed someone to go with what he found important - giving the money to a cause that affected him deeply. He needed someone to just love him and not jump to conclusions about what needed to be done. How many of us wouldn't encourage the kid to use the money for him to start building up his own life? Afterall, who else is more in need than this boy? I pray I have the discernment to realize what needs to be done in situations like this. The story is found in the book Bent Hope by Tim Huff and it is called "A Kid and a Coffee Cup". The book is a good read and it may well give you a new perspective.

Hope is a passion for what is possible. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Fun With Candlelight

2011-04-03T23:14:00.001-06:00

Here are some pictures from my "Earth Hour" evening mentioned in a previous post. For the pictures with the candleholder, I was trying to capture the crackled glass shadow on the wall. Some of the pictures show it a little. The shadows were dancing with the flickering candlelight, and with the low light of candlelight, it was tricky to capture (hence the >100 pics I took!).

I must be doing better ...

2011-04-02T19:19:00.002-06:00

A few minutes ago, I was reflecting on something. This past week, I've taken some 'me time' a couple times. I think I've been living life at break-neck speed, doing something pretty much every day and just not taking time for 'quiet time' and 'me time'. I've been thinking a lot lately about priorities in life. Last weekend was 'earth hour'. I took time to shut down everything electronic and turned off the lights, spending the evening alone with candlelight, my journal, my Bible, and, of course, my camera. It had been a month since I last journaled. I enjoyed taking pictures of the candlelight and the way the candles made shadowy patterns on the walls. I'm sure I took about 100 pictures (no exaggeration!). Mind you, most of those pics did not turn out because I was trying to get shadows that were constantly moving with each flicker of the candles. Still, it was fun. Yesterday and today, I got in the mood for taking pictures again. And I realized ... I'm doing better than I have been. Taking pictures helps me with my overall well-being. I don't think I had noticed my overall well-being slipped somewhat. Today, I found myself standing outside, without a jacket in the falling snow, taking pictures and enjoying it. I had been very frustrated with the snow outside, particularly earlier today. This morning, it looked like the stairs were a ramp instead of individual stairs, and the path I use to get to my car was quite deep as well. I was glad for my canes to give me balance as the slushiness under the snow was giving way and my feet were slipping with each step. So, I was surprised when, as I was coming in from my car, a car zoomed by and totally covered me in slush. I actually started smiling. Almost laughing. And I found myself looking forward to going back outside with camera in hand after changing my clothes. I didn't venture far, as it's not exactly the safest for me to be walking about today, but I got some neat pictures.

News re: this blog

2011-04-02T18:58:00.000-06:00

You can now view my blog using different types of views. Just add 'view' at the end of the url to check it out. www.pastrydish.blogspot.com/view. If you want to see a particular kind of view only, you can add /flipcard, /mosaic, /sidebar, /snapshot or /timeslide to just have a particular kind of view. Check out this link for more information.

If You've Never Failed, You've Never Lived

2011-03-12T15:49:00.000-07:00

If you've never failed, you've never lived. Life = Risk.

Check out this video

Learning How to Be Alone - an important spiritual discipline

2011-03-11T21:14:00.005-07:00

It's so important to learn how to be alone and to appreciate silence. I like the underlying message of this video - that there are many ways to practise being alone. To enjoy it. That being alone can be acceptable. For me, I started enjoying being alone in Australia. At least, that's where I first remember enjoying being alone. I enjoyed exploring a new city, going to a new coffee shop, going along on my scooter at a walking pace instead of the hurried frenzy of driving through traffic in a car, and just being. Enjoying that here and now. Enjoying those moments by myself and the adventure of seeing things as if for the first time (although some of it definitely was the first time). Whether that was amongst other people or truly by myself, I was still alone. Not in the lonely sense of alone. I learned to enjoy being alone.

I learned how to appreciate the little things in life. I learned how to be there, in that moment, in conversations, and ended up enjoying conversations and that curiosity that comes with really wanting to hear what the other has to say. I learned how to notice the little things in life. How to take life's pace down to a walk instead of race. I learned to enjoy sipping coffee or tea or trying a new food, just for the enjoyment of the flavour and the experience. I learned how to observe. I relearned how to play for the sheer enjoyment of it by playing with a huge bubble wand in a marketplace, surrounded by people yet it was as though I was all alone experiencing joy. My time in Australia was one of huge spiritual growth. Why? Because I learned how to be alone and enjoy it.

And now, I enjoy sitting outside at night, just watching the stars. Or going out for a walk with my scooter. Or sitting in my car, sometimes even with no music and being left to my own thoughts or observations. I enjoy sitting in a coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon, possibly reading the paper or a book. I enjoy just observing what's going on around me. Taking it all in, but not focusing on anything in particular. I enjoy listening to music at home. I enjoy reading and journaling. I enjoy making music. I enjoy going to a park. I enjoy going for a drive. I enjoy being with other people, engaging in conversations and really being there.

Being alone allows me to worship and spend time with God. It allows me to worship by enjoying nature around me. Or enjoying the little things in life, perhaps by capturing it through a lens. Again - being present in that moment to whatever is going on.

As a side shoot - maybe even my work allows me to worship. I have to live in the moment for my work. There's no way I could facilitate some of the groups I do without really, truly being present. Not distracted by other thoughts. Just being there. Maybe that's part of worship - to really be present. And through that - when in conversation or dialogue, or even in listening to dialogue, appreciating it for what it is and injecting comments here and there as appropriate to facilitate that dialogue.

So then, what is worship? A friend once described it as a way of life. Maybe it's more about being worshipful. A state of being. Many of us think singing is worship - and that alone is worship. I disagree, although it can definitely be part of being worshipful. To me, it really is about a way of life. Being there in that moment with my whole self. Connecting with people. With God. Being ok with being alone, because it allows me to really be present. Sometimes to feel - even the not-so-good feelings. Or to take note of those little things in life that easily go unnoticed and thanking the Creator. To me, making music is part of worship. Reading is part of worship - not only writings such as the Bible or theological books, but also other things that make me think and reflect on my own life and lead to personal evaluation. Or reading funny things because laughter is a gift. Or writing an article or an essay. Using the gifts we are blessed with. For me, being in nature is also a very important way I connect with God. Each of these can be a way to connect with God. To me, worship, or rather, being worshipful, is engaging with life, being in the moment, living an attitude of praise and thanksgiving, and connecting with God with my whole self.

Bringing it back to 'being alone', maybe we should make a practice of taking time to be alone. We can worship when we are with other people or when we are in a church setting. We can also worship wherever we are. I think that without learning how to be alone, we miss out on a very powerful way of worshiping - of connecting with God in a way that is so personalized.

Writer's block

2011-03-05T18:37:00.000-07:00

A lot has been on my mind lately, but somehow, it's not coming together for a post on the blog. I haven't thought through some of the 'topics' enough to really write anything. Life has been good, but hectic. That might be why I haven't taken time to really think through anything. Rather, I observe something, have a thought about something, and set it aside to come back to ... and then don't come back to it. And some of the other things just seem a little too personal to post on a blog. Like, if something significant happens between me and another person, but talking about it would break a confidence if people could read between the lines and fill in the blanks (when trying to maintain anonymity). Whatever the case, I need to think about why I post something - I know sometimes I blog for me. It can be somewhat therapeutic. It can also help readers to get to know me better. Sometimes I blog for the reader to get dialogue going or to get people thinking about something. Hopefully I will put something together in the next little while. For those reading who also blog, why do you blog?

What Super Hero Am I?

2011-02-27T15:07:00.000-07:00

What Super Hero am I? I went to a Super Hero party a couple weeks ago. I dressed up as a Super Hero and the picture below was my cape. After a few guesses, I will post my Super Hero name. Isn't the symbol cool, though? I found the picture and basically printed it off in black and white to change the colour composition from blue and white and coloured in the white parts my favourite colour - orange. It kind of goes with some nicknames I've had in the past, namely Speedy and most recently Spitfire. This picture is now posted on my office door at work.

Hint: look at the big 'W' on the design.

Super W_______ to the rescue!!!!

Be the Change You Want To Be: Carrots, Eggs or Coffee Beans Movie

2011-02-27T14:41:00.002-07:00

"When Adversity knocks on your door, who do you want to be: a carrot, an egg, or coffee beans?" (from video link)

Previously, I posted a written version of this story as an inspirational post. Here is a video telling the same story.

Carrots, Eggs or Coffee Beans Movie: "All of us at one time or another have experienced a difficult situation, had setbacks, or dealt with our share of disappointment. Most things that happen to us on a daily basis we can’t control and I can honestly say (with conviction) that it is not what happens to us that matters but rather, how we choose to respond."

What do you say ...

2011-02-13T00:26:00.001-07:00

What do you say when someone offers to help you go to the washroom when you are perfectly capable of managing on your own?

I'll give some background to this story. I have a disability that requires the use of a wheelchair, particularly in icy conditions such as we have right now. I went for supper with a couple people today, one of whom had never met me before. She saw me wheeling around before we made the supper plans, but she also saw me walking outside, pushing my wheelchair on some uneven surfaces that the wheelchair would have gotten stuck on. Still, when we got to the restaurant and she realized I was heading to the washroom, she asked if she should come and help me. Honestly, I think my friend and I were more embarrassed for the girl than I was affected by the comment. It really was about not understanding that someone who uses a wheelchair CAN be independent. Can toilet independently. Can walk sometimes (for some people, anyway). Can work. Can get around relatively independently. Can live a relatively normal life.

Yet, I think this is a common misconception regarding disabilities. There are many people who assume that as soon as someone has difficulty walking or uses a wheelchair, they need help with everything. When I was younger, someone also offered to actually wipe my butt for me. She made this comment in public, in a restaurant. At that time, I was very indignant. Offended. I couldn't believe my ears! Don't get me wrong, having help sometimes is a really good thing. When it's done for the reason of 'I want to do this for you because I love you and I'm doing something special' or when there genuinely is a need, it's definitely a good thing. At the same time, it needs to be invited, or there needs to be an understanding between friends as to what kind of help is beneficial and welcomed. There also needs to be an understanding that sometimes people do nice things for others just because they care - the person receiving the help needs to accept this too. It's kind of like the opening doors for ladies concept or the opening / closing car doors for the ladies concept. Chivalry at its finest. I think people want to be helpful. They want to be nice. Sometimes they go too far and it becomes an insult.

Going back to the situation today, the underlying statement made when offering help to use the toilet is that the person offering assistance believes the person can't function independently at the most basic level. This is often seen as an insult unless the person knows the situation and help is required and welcomed. The same thing happens for people with disabilities when they go to a coffee shop. They are all ready to order their drink, but so often, if they are together with someone else, they are completely ignored and the person they are with is asked for both drink orders. It's dehumanizing. It's humiliating. It's ignorance at its finest.

For me, I've come to live with this. I no longer feel dehumanized or humiliated. At times, I am indignant, though. Instead, I often wonder at how people can have such poor understanding of disability. Even if I physically couldn't carry my drink, I'd still want to be asked what my order is rather than being talked over. (Again, this is situation dependent because sometimes people do order drinks for other people - especially when treating someone). Sometimes I make comments to help educate. Sometimes I make comments that may come off as more rude than helpful. Sometimes I let it go - like today. Today, I felt like the person just really didn't get it, but explaining it would only embarrass her. That wasn't my intention today. She genuinely wanted to help. She genuinely wanted to do whatever she could. She seemed vulnerable in her own way, which may have been one of my assumptions. I just don't need that kind of help and I kindly told her I'm ok and can manage without assistance. And she was ok with that.

Puzzle Pieces

2011-01-23T17:37:00.004-07:00

I was doing some reflection over the past couple days about things that excite me, and trying to figure out what my gifts are (as in personal and spiritual gifts, not the material kinds of gifts). Another way to put it is strengths or personal attributes. This was in follow up to a conversation with the youth pastor who asked me if I feel my gifts are being fully utilized in helping out with the youth group. The question prompted me to think about what excites me, what my strengths are, and what areas I want to grow in. My response at the time was, "I don't know what my gifts are and if you have any feedback or observations, please let me know".

I've done many 'spiritual gifts' tests before. Discernment comes out on top every time. Shepherd and Mercy come out near the top most times too. Encouragement is usually in the top 5 as is Teaching. Although one that separated teaching into different categories put me more in a facilitation type of teaching category than preaching (thankfully - as I don't think I'm much of a preacher). This list doesn't include talents and skills.

In thinking, I realized a few things that I enjoy about helping out with the youth. I enjoy getting to know the kids. I enjoy it when I see them starting to trust me and talking about stuff in their lives. I enjoy it when I've shared something and it seems to resonate with them. I enjoy connecting with those who seem to be on the outside, not really fitting in with the popular crowd. And I enjoy the laughter and laid back atmosphere. Is this using my skills to their potential? Well, maybe a set of skills - relating to people and having the ability to help people feel comfortable around me. I will say, though, it seemed to take a really long time before the girls seemed to feel comfortable. The guys seemed comfortable right away. I don't know the reasoning behind that. Even now, I think it depends on the different kids. Some seem more open to connecting with others, or rather, with adults. And I'm ok with that. I also enjoy connecting over things that we have in common ... like watching Bones. :)

So what about other strengths, abilities, and personal traits? I can facilitate small groups and maybe larger groups. I seem to enjoy doing this more with youth and adults than young kids. Kids are fun, don't get me wrong. I just like to have intelligent conversations with people. I haven't done a lot of facilitating large groups to know whether that is a strength. I don't tend to lean towards outright teaching - I prefer more the facilitation approach where people need to explore what they think and believe and apply it to situations in real-life. Yet, I wonder if in some ways, that takes more planning because things can really go one way or the other. And you have to go with the flow but have the ability to redirect if it really goes off topic. I can teach or lecture using a PowerPoint, but still, I tend to make that more small group discussions and overseeing that. I know I don't like doing a lot of the little details work. Leave that to other people, I figure. :) I don't mind delegating those tasks and I'm quite good at that. Considering all the moves I've made (house to house), I'd better be good at coordinating and delegating as I can't actually do the lifting and moving of furniture and boxes. I like being creative, whether that's doing photography, making music, painting, or even colouring. I also have the ability to discern when things seem to be going well or not and when people seem to be struggling more than other times. I have learned about behaviour issues and how to deal with different things with my professional training. I also have a good foundation in mental health issues to be able to listen, provide some direction and counselling and suggest some good resources. Within the youth group scenario, I'm more likely to make sure they are safe and bring in other resources if serious situations arise. Otherwise, hmm ... if any of you have ideas of other skills or abilities or strengths that fit with working with the youth, please let me know. There may be more but at the moment, I can't think of others.

Something else I've realized lately that I really enjoy - connecting with people from different cultures. Last night, I spent the evening with a couple friends - an relatively new friend and a brand new friend - from Latin American countries. We had a lot of fun playing Rook, eating pizza, listening to Latin music, and just hanging out. They asked some questions about correct grammar and we talked about how to use different words in different situations. A friend from Winnipeg who came to Canada several years ago from Peru has been strongly suggesting the relatively new friend connect with me to practise English. This friend suggested I should be on her speed dial in case she has questions about business language or other English language usage. See, that's what I've been helping my Peruvian friend with for a few years after she became fluent in English. I edited a lot of her university papers including her thesis. So the friend here invited another friend. These friends would like to get together with me regularly - to practise English one time, and teach me Spanish the next, developing a cycle. We had a lot of fun together and I realized, I really enjoy getting to know about other cultures, helping them with their English, and learning their language as well. It's something I'm good at. It's also something that is fun and something where I can make good connections and introduce people to Canadian life, meanwhile acknowledging their culture.

I got a call today from a nursing student who found my business website. She wanted my take on a situation and wanted to learn about the Occupational Therapy perspective on working with people who are homeless. She also wanted to know what a medical team can do to help people who are homeless. We had a good, long conversation. I left that conversation feeling excited - about having the ability to teach and share my knowledge and experience, about strongly encouraging getting to know the patient's desires and advocating for the patient, and about the fact people are starting to learn about me outside my current professional network. Teaching, particularly mentoring or small group teaching, or teaching about topics I'm passionate about does excite me.

So, I need to evaluate some things. I'm involved in a lot outside work and I need to find balance. I also need to figure out what I'm called to do. I love connecting with people and, if possible, somehow influencing them in a positive way to make positive changes in their lives. I do like teaching - where I see people hungry for information and wanting to learn about things that matter. I loved teaching the mental health course at SAIT. I love music - playing, facilitating the process of playing music, and listening to music. I think respect is so important in all these situations - a mutual respect. Building connections and having mutual respect is where I flourish.

I also need to take care of myself and know what I can take on and still be healthy. I need to make sure I am taking care of my physical body as well - getting the right nutrients, exercising, resting and sleeping. I did not do well with this piece in the past and it's important to stay healthy. I also want to (and need to) make sure I'm still building into the relationships I have right now and ones that develop.

This next part of my journey will be trying to make sense of things. Getting the puzzle pieces to fit and possibly setting aside puzzle pieces that don't fit. It may involve setting aside some puzzle pieces for now, and fitting them in later when the picture is more clear.Or making them all fit and still making a beautiful picture. It will be a challenge. Prioritizing and seeking God's direction will be key. This is a puzzle I look forward to piecing together.

*If you do have any feedback on where you see gifts or strengths - whether that's affirming what I've already seen or whether it's something I haven't, please feel free to comment. Also, if you have any other comments, feel free to leave them. Thanks.

Still Alive - this song makes me happy

2011-01-22T18:56:00.001-07:00

I'm really enjoying this song. It makes me happy. Not that the lyrics are actually happy. It's a bit of a random type of song. But hey, "I'm Still Alive". I should learn how to play and / or sing this song. I have sung it with Rock Band and it was a lot of fun. :) You may want to click the icon that enlarges the view. That way you can read the lyrics. Otherwise you'll basically be just listening to the song.

Update to last post

2011-01-11T22:02:00.000-07:00

I got the job I applied for! I officially start in the role on Monday, but my role isn't really changing. Just the people who are paying me and the fact I will no longer be casual ... at least until the end of the mat leave the position is covering for. I guess we'll see what happens then. I am happy about the idea of having some steady income for a while. It's definitely needed!

In but not In

2011-01-04T22:53:00.000-07:00

Work was good today. But there's this fear in the back of my mind ... what if I don't get the position I'm covering for with casual hours. Today, I was offered an interview for the job. I was pretty certain I'd get an interview. I also heard my boss telling her boss there will be 3 interviews. The job is not a guarantee. What does that mean if I don't get it? I've started to like the idea I will have steady income. If I don't get it, maybe I'll get one day a week of casual hours. Maybe a couple. Or maybe I'll only get work when others are sick or away. I know I need to trust God. It feels so ... oh, I don't even know how to word it ... uncomfortable maybe ... when I hear the staff talking about 'when the full time person is hired'. They all know I've applied. It's just awkward for me. Probably not for them. They maybe only think of me as casual. And, yes, I did at first, too. But being there as many days a week as the others (who are also working 4 days/week) makes it feel more like I'm there as a regular employee. So I get assigned all these caseloads (of 4 different doctors), I have regular groups I'm running, and I feel like I'm part of the team. Yet, every once in a while, it is clear I'm not ... yet. My interview is Friday. I guess I'll find out next week what will happen. I just have to believe that whatever happens is what is meant to be. I am enjoying my job. I hope that, if it really is the case that I am not offered the position, it won't get all awkward for the remainder of the month until that person starts. Originally, I wanted 3, maybe 4 days a week. But, I'm really wanting this position and it's 5 days a week. So be it. I will work 5 days a week until the end of that term, then go from there. Maybe I will want 5 days a week then. Although, this position is a mat leave and who knows what will be available at that time.

Orchestrating the Composition of Life

2011-01-01T23:55:00.000-07:00

Something I've realized, or that's been emphasized over an over recently - a key theme in my life is that God Orchestrates my life! It's been encouraging to look back and see how God has orchestrated in my life. Sometimes those apparently not-so-good things actually lead to a pretty beautiful outcome! Speaking in music terms, when things don't seem to be going well, maybe those are the times when the chords in life are minor, or diminished, or sustained. Those chords eventually resolve into a major chord. These chords add to the composition of life, making it beautiful and interesting. I do believe that 2010 was more of the unresolved piece of the composition and that 2011 could be the more peaceful or the more jubilant sections of the composition.

2010 was a long, difficult year and I can only hope for a better year in 2011. As one of my friends wished me, "May 2011 be the year of connection and contentment for you". I have felt quite disconnected, lonely, frustrated and discouraged this year and have had a sense of lack of direction. Like nothing is moving anywhere fast.

At the same time, many people have encouraged me and been there for me. I've seen my church take care of me when I needed it most. I've also been connected with some pretty amazing people who have provided support and helped me process through stuff to help me get my business going. It's been a year of trusting and scraping the barrel ... but in every situation, God provided! Most often, at the last minute. Which is where trusting and believing comes in, a clear theme for the year 2010. This is also part of how my life is being orchestrated. Timing is everything! And knowing that, believing that, has allowed me to relax even when things were tight.

Music has become a big part of my life this year and I really hope it continues. It's been good getting more involved with music, including the start of "Lazarus", getting involved in Samba, and playing / performing with one of my friends both in a small church and in open jams. I've gotten to know more people through this too, which has been really good.

This year, I've had some spiritual revelations as well. God is Creator - he's creative! And we're made in his image. We all need to exercise creativity and appreciate His creativity! I'm all about that! :D God also desires to fulfill our desires. Yes, in fact, it's good to dream. He has given us many of the desires we have. I do need to remember to be content in whatever situation I'm in, though - whether that is being single, living in Calgary or elsewhere, being unemployed (but still trying to do something about that), or whatever the situation might be.

I do look forward to what God has in store for me. I feel like I have a lot going on so I hope I find a way to have good balance and prioritize well. I continue to desire to feel connected and have deep personal relationships. I also look forward, with a little bit of fear (due to uncertainty), to where my career will go. I've started a business but it takes a long time to build up. I started a job but it is also casual at this point and I don't know if I will have steady income beyond this month. I can see how it fits well with long term dreams and passions. I'm thankful, though, for what I have. I realize I have a deep passion to work with people who are marginalized or who have mental health issues (or both) and I have a passion to teach.

A thought I have focused on lately is the importance of encouraging and building people up. Too often, it is easy to cut others down or criticize them. I want to make a real effort to stop myself from criticizing and make a habit of building others up instead.

So, for 2011, I look forward to the musical composition of my life unfolding. I'm sure there will some interesting notes and chords that, upon first hearing them, won't sound good. Some dissonance that doesn't seem to fit, but when mixed in with the rest of the song, will sound beautiful. I expect there will be jubilant and vibrant parts and maybe some peaceful parts. I'm hoping for a least some steady rhythms for a while. Maybe a few skipped beats of joy. :)

It's New Year's Eve

2010-12-31T16:42:00.000-07:00

... and I don't know what I'll do tonight. In a way, I feel like just staying home. But I also want to see people I haven't seen in a while. Then again, some of those aren't around anyway or wouldn't go to any party or function. I don't exactly have many options, but I do have a couple. I can go to a potluck / drum circle and I can go to a party that I hear everyone is invited to from church but I actually haven't heard any details about. I know people were called but I guess I was missed. I know it's not a personal thing - getting missed, that is. There is also the possibility that I could get together with one of my friends. To me, that's the most appealing option, but we haven't connected so I don't know if she's even up for it. Right now, I'm thinking I'll go to the potluck (that is, if I can figure out what I'll bring that I can afford to buy - money is still tight at least for another couple weeks). Then, depending on the friend or how I'm feeling energy wise, I may go to the other party. Or maybe I'll just end up coming home. I don't know.

I do want to do my annual review of my goals to see if they still make sense and to see how far I've come with some of them. I'm afraid I didn't really meet any goals last year. But I will have to remind myself and be gracious to myself if I haven't accomplished any goals. It was a tough year in many ways and many things that happened were not expected - good or not so good. In other words, things didn't happen according to any plan. Maybe it's ok to have a year here and there that just don't follow any plan and where I don't accomplish anything that I hoped to. In reality, things happened and I've gotten somewhere. I know that I can feel good about the fact I've worked hard to make things happen. And I can feel good that I focused a lot on building and rebuilding relationships. That's not exactly measurable, but still important. I do know one thing for the next year - I'm going to have to figure out how to balance things a little better so I don't get stressed out. I have a lot going on now - and not in a bad way. I will have to decide what to focus on and what I can let go of. That will take wisdom and an ability to hear God's voice in providing guidance with that. I hope that, in reviewing the year, I don't get discouraged by many of the things that were so difficult. I'm hoping to write a post after I review my past year and comment on the year.

Do you miss ...?

2010-12-26T23:53:00.001-07:00

I had a conversation with someone tonight and was asked, "when you're in Calgary, do you miss Winnipeg? And when you're in Winnipeg, do you miss Calgary?" Hmm ... I don't know how to answer that question. I think my response was that I miss people, not either place so much. I have more people in Manitoba that draw me here, but I do have good relationships in Calgary. I also feel my work is not done in Calgary and Calgary is where I am to be for the time being and the next foreseeable future. I guess that didn't exactly answer the question. Do I miss Calgary when I'm in Manitoba? ... I certainly miss having the flexibility of getting around independently (using my car]. This trip I haven't really missed anyone yet. Or anything yet. I do know I'm only here for a short while, though. I do believe I will miss my place in a few days once the busyness subsides. If it does. It will be nice to get back into a routine. Or, rather, to get INTO a routine. But, this time around, it's been quite a while since I came out here to MB to see my family and friends and I'm not quite ready yet to go back. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying my new job. Maybe that's the thing - a lot of my worries are lifting and I don't feel that rush to get back and try to find something. That sense that I NEED to be doing something. That sense I've felt for such a long time. It's kind of nice to just be able to relax, hang out, and not worry about whether I'll have yet another long while without steady income. Sure, I don't know anything for sure. I do know that I have work at the end of this week and that I'll have work for the next little while. I have a wee sense of security that is not causing me to feel like I NEED to be working hard at getting income every moment. So, no, I don't miss that. Then again, that's neither here nor there when it comes to Winnipeg or Calgary. Otherwise, I guess, I don't really think about it. I think about people in both places when I'm not there. I suppose this just emphasizes relationships are important to me - what I miss is spending time with people. I miss that even when I'm in whatever city the person is in if we haven't seen each other in a while.

And missing Winnipeg and area? Other than the people in my life, maybe the slower way of life in general and the more laid back attitude. I do hate the corporate feeling in Calgary where everyone seems to feel pressured to earn more money no matter what. I also miss getting home cooked meals on a regular basis cooked by someone other than me (although, thanks to one of friends, I've been treated to some homestyle cooking recently at home). I miss the summers, even though they are infested with mozzies. I miss the lakes.

On the flip side, though, I'd miss the mountains if I lived here again. And, I have no idea where I'd find an awesome samba drumming troup! Drumming has become part of my life in Calgary. That, and playing music. I'd have to start all over again with a professional network if I moved back to MB. That would suck too.

So, back to the question - yes, in a way, for both.

Update

2010-12-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, I started working at the PLC this week here in Calgary. I'm working casual hours, but equivalent to a 0.8 FTE on two of the in-patient mental health units. So far, so good. I have the option to apply for a full time position that has come up. If I don't, then most likely I will lose many hours as that full time position is actually for the casual hours I am working now. I guess my struggle is that I've worked pretty hard to get a small business up and going. If I take the full time, then what happens to that? Will there be opportunities when I get back to that? Will I get back to that? Also, will I still be able to do some teaching in the future? Lots of questions that I have to think about seriously. If I don't go for the full time position, I will still be a casual employee. There's nothing wrong with that. The only thing is I won't have a steady income. Right now some of my other works is very slow in coming. Maybe this is the plan for me. And when the time is right to pick up in my business, that will happen too. Or, maybe, while I am working at the hospital, I can do some work on the side to build it up for when the full time position ends - it is only a mat leave position. I'm happy I'm in. I also enjoy the work and it seems like the team is really good. It looks like there will be opportunities to mentor as well as to learn from others. I can see myself enjoying having some consistency in my life for a while - not only with the paycheque, but also in having a routine. I think it will be good to develop and hone my skills in this environment. I will miss the flexibility of working from home on a regular basis and choosing my own schedule. I will miss not being able to do some things I enjoy during the day. Those perks come from working from home. At the same time, working from home is not generating enough income to support myself at the moment.

Baseball in the Snow, Time Travel, and Roasting Mini Marshmallows over a Candle

2010-12-04T22:32:00.000-07:00

Today, as I headed to my car to go meet up with a friend, I took a few minutes to just enjoy what I saw. The first thing I noticed as I stepped outside and looked across the road to the schoolyard was a guy running around what appeared to be some bases and then sliding in the snow, making an awesome powder splash. I don't know what else to call it. But it was cool. These people looked like they were having so much fun playing baseball in the snow. The ball was bright orange instead of white. It didn't seem to be a league game, but they did seem to be die-hard baseball fans with friendly camaraderie and bantering. I thought it would be so much fun to play baseball in the snow, run around the bases, and do a cool slide onto the base to avoid getting tagged out. I tried, for several minutes, to get a good shot of someone sliding, but I didn't catch one. Oh well. I still enjoyed watching these people have fun! I also enjoyed the feeling of sitting in enjoyment, just watching the action.

Later, I met up with a friend and we went to the Science museum. I learned a lot about Albert Einstein. I had no idea he was such a pacifist! He hates the idea that he is connected with creating atomic energy and the atomic bomb. He came up with a theory that has been used for that, and he ended up on some councils regarding the use of atomic energy. He also cried, 'Woe is me' when he learned of the Hiroshima bombing in Japan, as he was the one who informed the US that they should consider looking at developing an atomic bomb because Germany seemed to be developing knowledge in the area at a rapid rate and had the potential to cause great damage. His ideas on time relativity really got me thinking about the concept that our frame of reference of time could be totally different than someone, say, in space. The ideas also lead to the whole concept of time travel. I need to think more about this concept. The theories seemed to be understandable, but the concept itself still seems hard to wrap my head around.

In the evening, a couple friends (including the friend I went to the museum with) came over to my place. We picked up some awesome food at The Main Dish in Bridgeland. After our main course, we had a chocolate fondue with strawberries, mini marshmallows, graham crackers, grapes, mini oranges, cashew nuts, etc. We attempted to roast marshmallows and make smores, but the roasting was not very successful. We started mini fires instead. Which was fun in its own way. Dipping the marshmallows in the chocolate was still good. We had great food and enjoyed connecting through conversation. We realized that we have actually known each other for about 7 years.

interesting encounter or God Encounter?

2010-11-29T02:33:00.004-07:00

I don't really think this encounter would have happened had there not been a mouse in the house. A tiny mouse was caught in the mouse trap in the furnace room. I was really scared to even look at it, for some reason. Really so odd because I used to work with mice in the lab. But those were alive, and when we put them down, we put them down humanely. After the Grey Cup game and after my company left, I finally got the courage to look at the dead mouse, then clean it up. I figured it was better for the dead mouse to freeze outside than sit in my garbage and right now, there's new snow outside so getting to the garbage can outside would be difficult so I set it outside the door. I then decided to do some cleaning in my kitchen cupboards - face the potential other dead mice or the evidence of their visits. I ended up throwing out a bunch of dried food because it (or they?) had gotten into my lentils (red and green) and some dried egg noodles. I found some containers to put the remaining food that wasn't already in plastic containers and I wiped everything down. There were so many droppings on one of my shelves. The mouse must really love dried lentils, especially the green ones! It was obviously taking them back somewhere. I set up a new trap - one that doesn't require touching the mouse or seeing it dead. Anyway, after doing all the cleaning and collecting any possible food-like smelling garbage, I collected it and carried it outside. This was about 1 am.

This brings me to my encounter. See, I generally wouldn't be standing outside on the front step at 1 am. I had been struggling with some stuff this week regarding getting to my car and also getting back to the house. When the plow came through to clean the street, it left a mound of hard ice / snow next to my car as well as in front and behind the car. I almost got stuck. I got really frustrated when I had to take my wheelchair in one day because I had purchased some things and I didn't have anyone I could ask to help me carry my purchases in. I also had this garbage that I really didn't feel good about leaving just outside the house. I didn't want to attract any other pests or cats or animals that would rip it apart. So, standing there on the step, I see this man walking down the sidewalk, pulling a suitcase. This is the man I've always figured was homeless. I still think he might be. He was talking with a bit of a slur and I wondered whether he was drunk or high or whether he had a brain injury or something else going on that affected his ability to speak clearly. He asked if I'd like him to shovel the walk. I asked him if he'd come back and ask me tomorrow. Somehow, though, he seemed to be a man that honestly wanted to do some work - earn a bit of money. Yes, I know he heads to the 'drug house' as I call it whenever I've seen him in the past. I've also seen him weaving his way across the actual street instead of the sidewalk. Today, I felt like this was an answer to prayer. He told me he lives 2 doors down. Maybe he does, or maybe he just goes there a lot. It isn't typical for people who live somewhere to always be dragging a suitcase around or carrying a backpack and/or a sleeping bag. Nevertheless, I needed someone to shovel around my car and I needed someone to carry the garbage somewhere else and it felt like this was God's answer to my needs. I first asked him if he had a garbage bin outside at his house that he could toss my garbage into. He gladly took the garbage and came back with a shovel. We had a conversation while he was shoveling. He's been through some hard times. He talked about losing his job. It seemed like he just needed a friendly face and someone who would talk with him. I had a $20 bill in my wallet so I decided to give him $20 for his work. I don't know if that's a lot or a little. He almost cried when I gave him the $20. I could see the tears in his eyes. I think this interesting encounter was also a God Encounter. Maybe this was an answer to both our needs. I didn't voice a prayer asking for someone to come along and take the garbage away or shovel the area by my car. And, maybe he didn't pray that I would hire him to shovel my walk. Still, I believe this was a divine encounter that met both our needs.

Update on Employment Situation

2010-11-28T14:23:00.001-07:00

Some of you may already know ... I got a job this week! It's a casual position at the Peter Lougheed Centre (hospital) about 10 min from where I live but with regular hours each week for the next while. I expect this to open up more doors and there is a possibility this position I am covering for with the casual hours will become a permanent position. I'll be working in the Mental Health in patient units. From what I can tell, it looks like a good group of people I'll be working with. I had to turn down some teaching for the winter session as it directly conflicted with the hours at PLC. I'm still involved in the program redesign. I'll also be doing a full day workshop / conference on working with inner city populations, the OT Role, and how to advocate in May. Things are definitely looking up financially.

Food Court Hallelujah Chorus

2010-11-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

This would be awesome to be a part of! I realize now when you click through, it does a 15 second ad. Hope that's ok.

OT Rap - an overview of general Occupational Therapy

2010-11-25T12:34:00.001-07:00

This is a fun parody rap describing Occupational Therapy. I tend to focus more on the mental health side of things, the cognitive assessment piece, and the ADL assessments (although I'm doing some equipment assessments through one of my contracts). Maybe the video will give you a bit of an idea of what Occupational Therapists do. It even acknowledges OTA's, which is cool, as I teach in the OTA program at SAIT. In Alberta, some OT's are capacity evaluators - this is dependent on the region (province or state) as well as your role where you work.

LYRICS:

It's that time of year again starting October 24
For certain health professionals to rap it to y'all
We're making youse aware of something known as OT
Not I.T.! It's occupational... therapy

A guy comes up to me and says, "What's your occupation?"
He's confused when I reply "that is half of my vocation"
Here's somethin' to remember when explainin' to your folks
It's exactly like physio... just jokes

Every weekday morning, we all head into work
To a building with a cross, where all our patients lurk
Another day ahead and it's just the beginning
A coffee in the morning then we're to the ward grinning

CHORUS
OT, Consider yourself awared
OT, its independence squared
OT, Daily living activity
OT, Occupational Therapy

Functional independence, a goal that we strive for
To enable our patients to remain at home and survive or
With the help of services, for your areas of need
Enabling you to live a life that you want to lead

We can find this out in a million different ways
We can sit down have a chat and hear what you says
About your home environment, and with whom you live
Do you have a family, and are they supportive?

ADL assessments are our cup of tea
But watch out when the bowels open inconveniently
Your clothes are over there and the soap's on that shelf
"Have you come to shower me?", "Hell no, you'll shower yourself"

I'll just stand and watch while I take mental notes
Advises on devices to help don/doff your coats
The key to this is equipment recommendation
To enable you to function at a by yourself persuasion

CHORUS
OT, Consider yourself awared
OT, its independence squared
OT, Daily living activity
OT, Occupational Therapy

Compression therapy is something that we know well
The doctors turn to us when limbs start to swell
With bandages in hand we head to our battle stations
But remember to take note of any contraindications

The area of hands is a specialised skill
Providing splints, ROM and coban when your hands are ill
If you don't like what I do and you flip me the dove
I'll grab you by the hand and put you in a flexion glove

Splinting, positioning and pressure area care
Bulky foot drops splints, to some patient's despair
With proper education I think most come around
Especially when it's time to place their feet back on the ground

Cognitive assessments! This is where it is at
RUDAS, MOCA, BRISC, CAM and the Cognistat
A person's healthy mind can set themselves free
But please don't ask us to determine their capacity

CHORUS
OT, Consider yourself awared
OT, its independence squared
OT, Daily living activity
OT, Occupational Therapy

Burn yourself with fire or electricity?
Garments and scar management are your therapy
Splints will be made for each burnt body part
To immobilise your limb after a skin graft.

If you've had a stroke, no worries at all
For an upper limb assessment it's OT you call
Cognition, oedema and hypertonicity
We'll get you up and moving in no time you'll see

For the OTs on the front line we don't go it alone
The calcium per se that keeps our strength in our bones
Managing our consumables and assists in many ways
So don't forget our handy OTAs

To get you home safely we can visit your castle
Any mods to your house is really no hassle
We can customise all things to help you in your home
Your case is hi pri if you're living alone

CHORUS
OT, Consider yourself awared
OT, its independence squared
OT, Daily living activity
OT, Occupational Therapy

Info about video and production:
Lyrics by:
Danny Stewart-McLean

Music by:
Phil Driver

Featuring:
Danny Stewart-McLean
Karl Bagraith
Genna Mitchell
Jody Mills
Anna Green
Lauren Kamst

Directed & edited by:
Ryan van Dijk

The video was a made to raise awareness about Occupational Therapy Week 2010 by The New Grads (Royal Brisbane Hospital, Australia).

Mouse in the House - hey that could be a song!

2010-11-21T01:48:00.002-07:00

It feels like a while since I've written a post. I seem to be busy most days of the week - at least in the way of having things to do. Yet, at the same time, nothing really new has happened. Yes, I've had a couple more interviews. Maybe something will turn up with one of them. I actually feel hopeful about the one, and it's exactly the number of hours I've been looking for. So ... hopefully. In the mean time, I plod on with whatever I've been doing and look for new opportunities. I also don't have pressing issues to discuss in my blog, so I'm not sure what to write. Today will be more of a 'day in the life of' post.

Today, I actually took time to pamper myself. I slept in until 10:30 or so. I laid in bed until 11. I went to a friend's for lunch. In the later afternoon, I did a conditioning hair treatment, took a nice, long, hot shower, and did a facial. :) It's been a long time since I've done that kind of thing. Not the shower part - that's regular. :) I was in comfy, cozy clothes ready to stay in the night when a friend invited me out to Galli's, a local pub, for an open jam. I didn't play or sing today, but I enjoyed the music and hanging out with a bunch of people I know and some I don't know.

I also realized I think there's a mouse in the house. I hope not, but there's some evidence. Not so far in the way of droppings, but I came across a bag of lentils that had a hole in it with a bunch of lentils that had spilled out. I also found some chocolate chips that took a bit of a walk. Last night, I heard some scratching, some little feet, some digging. It sounded like it was outside my office window. Maybe it came through the drier vent? I don't know. Today, I found some evidence. I don't like the thought of a mouse in the house. I want someone else to deal with it. Maybe it will make its way back outside on its own. Unrealistic, I know. But I can wish, right? I don't want to see it alive, and I don't want to see it dead in a trap. I guess, I'd rather see it alive than dead. Afterall, I used to work with mice in a lab. But they're clean mice. This one wouldn't be. And I don't like surprises in the way of living things like that. It's one thing to see it, knowing it is there. As in a cage, or something like that. It's another to see it come out of some corner unexpectedly. I also don't want to reach into my cupboards and then touch the thing. Or find some dead smelly mouse. Yeah. Just go away!

By the way, the drawing of the mouse was my first attempt to draw something using a computer mouse other than straight line things like arrows or box-like houses. Haha. A mouse for a mouse, not a mouse for a house. Ah, nevermind. It's almost 2 am. Not sure why I thought that was funny. Why am I still awake?

Sunchips Compostable Bags Make Great Addition to Samba Bateria

2010-11-10T13:09:00.003-07:00

Frito Lay, the company who produces the Sun Chips brand of chips, has decided to keep the compostable version of the Sun Chips bag in Canada. It is known for its loud, crinkly sound. This makes it hard to sneak in to a movie theatre. :( I guess Canada is a little more concerned about the environmental effect of piles of chip bags landing in garbage sites than their American counterparts. They must also be pretty confident sales will do well if they think consumption of Sun Chips (and the resulting leftover bags) will make an environmental dent. At the same time, each little bit counts. Good on 'em for taking this environmental stand. And, really, who can't have a bit of fun with the loud chip bags?!

This is a video put together by my Samba Bateria, Calgary Escola de Samba. I wasn't able to make it this day, but it looks like it was a lot of fun!

Purposeful Reflection and Worship

2010-10-31T01:56:00.001-06:00

This is the Power Point I used for the youth Bible study this past week. It is a reflective worship activity including 13 stations (12 that were rotated through and the final one that everyone did at the same time). If the video below doesn't work, you can check out the link to the ACF youth page and look for the October 27/10 Salt Factory posting. If you want to take the time to follow the instructions on each slide, you may need to pause it at certain points. I also used the song 'Creation Calls' - see two posts below - at the end of the reflection exercise. (There is a link to this You Tube video on the last slide, but it may not work within this format). We sat in a dark room just listening to the music and the lyrics. I've never seen the group so quiet, even after it was all finished. Hopefully that quiet was a good thing - hopefully they were actually reflective and that this was a good exercise for them.

Purposeful reflection and worship acf salt factory 10 27 10

View more presentations from pyplett.

All the pictures were taken by Patti Plett except those in the You Tube video link on the last slide.

Jamming and Connecting

2010-10-27T17:42:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I had a really good day! The highlights of my day included jamming - with drums - and connecting with a couple people. Jamming has a neat way of bringing people together. It's a different kind of connecting where you're both in that moment and really enjoying yourselves. I notice it especially when you get into a groove, when it's tight, and you make eye contact and you can tell the other person (or people) is also really enjoying themselves. Later, I had a good conversation with another person. It felt good to connect on a personal level. Jamming, eating good food and connecting are good things!

Creation Calls - Video

2010-10-27T15:49:00.000-06:00

I came across this video as I was preparing for Salt Factory (Youth Bible study at my church). I'm leading the study tonight and the topic is God's Creativity. The youth will be going to different stations and spending time reflecting and taking note of how wonderfully complex the world is. I love this song and I got goosebumps listening to it. I like how the choir seems to fit so well in this song as well.

Me and Cooking ... we don't get along so well

2010-10-20T21:47:00.001-06:00

Maybe it's because when I try to cook something other than my usual basics, I try to be creative. I like to try new things that look easy. Yet, I don't know if that's what would explain today's cooking mishap. I decided I wanted pancakes. I have some instant stuff - the stuff you just add milk, an egg, and some oil. At least for waffles. See, when I saw the box, I decided - "no, I really want waffles". Then, I thought, "hm, I should make a yummy sauce. Something different. Something healthy." The sauce actually turned out quite good, by the way. But, the waffles, on the other hand, did not. I thought I had a non-stick waffle iron. Not so much. I stopped making waffles after one, where it stuck on so hard on the top and bottom and just split the waffle apart. I worked for a while at scraping it off, but I had to be somewhere in about half an hour by the time I stopped. So, pancakes it was, albeit waffle dough instead of pancake dough. A slight different texture. The pancakes were alright but many were a little burnt. I have yet to learn what temperature to set the element at - whether it's higher heat or lower heat.

I take a diversion now to talk about the sauce. I tried to figure out what ingredients I had and remembered I had some frozen mango in the freezer. I went to the internet to find a 'mango sauce' for waffles. I found one that looked easy, and in fact, I don't think anyone could go wrong in making it. There's literally no cooking involved. It was simply pureed mango, some water, some sugar, and some lemon juice. I guess it was meant to be a cold sauce. I'm guessing it would be good for ice cream. Mm ... maybe that's what I'll do with the leftovers. But I also have another idea for it. Frying it. Yes, you read correctly. See, while making the pancakes, I put some of the mango sauce in the pancakes. Very good, I must say! Then, I decided to try to fry some separately. Only thing is that the leftover oil in the pan started smoking and I set off the smoke detector. (At least it works!) That, and the sauce started bouncing - as in, tiny little balls of the sauce started jumping around. It was cool to watch. In fact, I was mesmorized by it for a moment. The smell of the frying mango sauce was divine! I think the frying of the sauce actually sweetened it a bit more. It made the sauce a bit more of an apple sauce texture. I still have about a cup of sauce left to try out all sorts of things. Or just to eat plain. I guess my new experimentation wasn't so bad afterall.

See, the only time I actually enjoy cooking is when I do experiments. But I need to be in the mood to do experiments in the kitchen. The rest of the time, I make food because I need to eat. On occasion, I make certain foods because I am really looking forward to the outcome. Then, I enjoy cooking too. It's different when I'm cooking for or with other people. I enjoy it so much more. I guess the people factor - whether it's for someone else or with other people - brings meaning to the activity.

Lists and Upcoming Interview

2010-10-20T11:52:00.000-06:00

I can't believe how many little things I have to do lately. I'm coordinating and teaching a course that ends next week. Things don't always end like like we plan, and that's the case this time. I'm trying to set up some site visits, but now one bailed and the other I haven't heard from in a while and I don't know what time they want the students to come. I also have to mark some assignments, with more to come next week. I have some follow up to do with some contract work - a list of things, actually. I think I'm just not used to it. But I'm also feeling more productive these days when I know I'm getting things done. I can see the checkmarks or the items getting crossed off on my lists.

Along with that, I also have an interview tomorrow morning. Although I'm looking forward to the interview and possibly working at this place, I feel a bit of conflict around it. This one is a full-time position. Yet, I still want to be able to do more teaching, as the school asked if I'd take on another course. And I still want to do the contract work and build up my business. Ideally, I want a 3 day/week position to allow room for the other work. I don't know if that will be possible. I also don't want to ruin my chances of getting the position by bringing it up. I'm interested in the work involved with this position and I do need income. I'm sitting well below zero and have been for most of the month. My EI runs out in November. I need something soon! Based on my previous experiences in interviews, I also have a concern at the back of my mind that as soon as they see my wheelchair, or if I walk in then my uneven gait, that they will discredit me as a potential employee. This has happened so often and it is very discouraging. So, where I'm at right now, I enter this interview with trepidation. And I need to enter it with confidence. I've met at least one of the interviewers before, and possibly the other two. So hopefully my disability won't be an issue for them. One of them actually encouraged me to apply to work in their program, so that's a positive sign, right?

3BT post

2010-10-06T12:19:00.001-06:00

Today is sunny and I'm happy.
I am going out to earn some money this afternoon.
Mmm... coffee and oatmeal with nutella for breakfast
Now off to have a cold hamburger patty with mustard. Also mmm. :)

Eerie Movie

2010-10-05T15:10:00.000-06:00

Last night I watched 'The Lazarus Project'. It's a psychothriller about a guy who commits a crime and is sentenced to a lethal injection. Instead of dying, he finds himself in an eerie psychiatric hospital. The movie, in itself, isn't really that scary. I found it eerie because it felt like I'd been to many of the places in the movie, like I knew the area. It's also a little eerie because you don't know exactly what is real and what isn't. The story line is interesting. It comes to a point where he doesn't know whether he's hallucinating everything or whether parts are real and parts are the hallucination. Or whether someone is setting it up to seem like a hallucination. He begins to wonder whether there is a sinister plot against him. At the end of the movie, I saw the credits and realized it was filmed in familiar territory. I recognized landmarks. I also recognized the jail (not from being on the inside - I'll make that clear right now). The psychiatric hospital, although it wasn't the one I did a placement in, had a similar set up and design, even inside. Considering it was a provincially run psychiatric hospital, it doesn't surprise me that the buildings looked so similar. They may well have been built around the same time and possibly had the same architect designing it. It struck me that many psychiatric facilities have really beautiful grounds. This movie also depicted a beautiful landscape for the facility. All in all, it was a good movie. The eeriness I experienced maybe added to it in a good way and helped me connect better with the main character.

Letting Go Is Fearing Less and Loving More

2010-09-27T01:48:00.001-06:00

You know, it's funny. Well, not really. Maybe ironic. I'm not sure what the best word is. When I did my drive to and from Manitoba this summer, I came to the realization that I was at a turning point. I don't really know what that turning point is leading to. But I knew change was coming. I also knew that my relationships would change in the next while. That part, I wasn't exactly welcoming. Changes regarding employment was what I was hoping for. I do seem to be getting some work. I also see that having a business will take a huge amount of work and I will need a lot of encouragement along the way to keep it up. Change is an uncomfortable place to be, although at the time when I was doing the long drive, I actually was excited about the change and felt refreshed and ready to go.

Right now, though, I'm feeling a sense of trepidation. Of once again losing the way of life that I have known for the last while. I'm sure some really good things will come of this. It's hard to let go of the way life was, even though aspects of it haven't been the best. Right now, I'm seeing that relationships with so many people in my life are changing. I like the way things were. The places where we were at. The sense of normalcy. The mutual, sometimes unspoken but realized, expectations. But, now, I'm not so sure that was even the case. Or maybe we're in different places. I liked the comfort of knowing I had some regular social plans. Now, I don't have that. With anyone. I miss the one-on-ones. Not that I've lost any relationships. But life seems to bring change and I can't control it. And I guess we need to roll with the punches. And sometimes, these changes could lead to even stronger relationships. But sometimes it means drifting apart and opening the door for something else or someone else. I don't know which it will be. Which is sad and hard.

I have to believe that there is a purpose in this. Maybe it's to give me the opportunity to meet new people. Or to prepare me for something. I hate it that things have to be difficult to get prepared for another phase in life. The time of transition sucks. And I wonder what that next phase will look like.

At the same time, I know I should look forward to the good things in life. For example, I realized this weekend that in the last few months, I seem to be spending time with people that, a year and a half ago, were hardly in my life at all. If I had even met them. It's a far cry from spending time mostly with my close-knit Christian circle. Not that some of these people don't share my beliefs or similar beliefs. It's been a few years since I've spent time with people with diverse backgrounds and lifestyles. And, to be honest, if I remember correctly, I talked to God about this -- that I was feeling a little sheltered and that I really felt I wanted me to spread my wings. To get out out of my little bubble. I also felt affirmed in this by him. There's a newness to this. Some unpredictability. But, in a way, a loneliness, as I don't feel very close to anyone right now. It's hard to see some of these friends make some choices that you know are harming them. To remember just to love them. It's different than my close-knit bubble. It's also different from the predictableness I've experienced over the last year and more in my relationships. Maybe that's what I needed then. And, maybe this is where I'm headed now. I don't want to let go of those relationships. Maybe they can grow in an exciting new direction. And maybe I can enjoy both the new and the old. I hope so. Whatever way, I want to be at peace with the new directions in my life and enjoy the present with an element of appreciating what was and looking forward to what is to come.

This weekend, though, I really enjoyed myself. Except for my small group this evening, everyone I spent time with was someone that has really only taken a bigger part in my life over the last while. In this time of change, I hope I do not compromise and make poor choices. I think about this as, this morning, I was not in a good place. I struggled with finding a purpose to even go to church. I was tired. I was discouraged. I wasn't throwing away my faith, but I couldn't think of a single reason why it would be a good idea to go. It felt a bit like a rut without purpose. That's not the way it should be. I ended up going for two reasons - I was up already and I made plans with someone for lunch who was planning to be there (who turned out to not be there). To be honest, I couldn't concentrate and I felt like it was a waste of time being there for the first while. I was happy to be holding my friend's baby who was happily drooling all over me and the chair next to me. Which is probably why I went out to the back of the church to walk around for a bit after the baby got fussy and went back to mum. I'm glad I went. I ended up having a conversation with someone, during the service actually (while doing my little walk), who seemed to really need to talk. I really couldn't tell you what the service was about although I do remember the passage of scripture that was on the powerpoint. Psalm 139. Today, I think this conversation was my purpose in going.

It's so hard to let go of what I know, though. No, I'm not saying good-bye. But I'm also realizing relationships and circumstances change. There are seasons and fluctuations, even for friendships. Even within those, I've come to realize that although I have concerns at times, people have to make their own choices whether it's good for them or not. My role is to love them the best I can. I guess, who's to say it won't end up good for them? I have to trust that in the end it will. And the reality is, at times I have to concede to the fact I don't have the ability to control the ways things go. Again, the coming and going, the seasons, the fluctations in life. I came across a friend's blog entry today where someone posted a poem by an unknown author that really resonated with this idea and what I've been thinking about lately as a whole. Taking this in another direction, but also something I've been thinking about - this poem is about loving others - but can also be about loving yourself. Taking the attitude of the poem, you are showing love to yourself and acknowledging you really have worth. Here's the poem.

Letting go takes love.
Letting go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t take responsibility for someone else.
Letting go is not cutting others off, but the realization I can’t control others.
Letting go is not enabling but allowing others to learn from natural consequences.
Letting go is admitting powerlessness, which means that the outcome is not in my hands.
Letting go is not to try to change or blame another; it is making the most of myself.
Letting go is not to care for, but rather it is caring about others.
Letting go is not to diagnose but to support.
Letting go is not judging others but is allowing them to be a fallible human being.
Letting go refuses to arrange or guarantee results and allows others to make choices that determine their own destinies.
Letting go refuses to protect others from reality but encourages one to face the facts.
Letting go refuses to nag, scold, or argue but instead searches out my own shortcomings and corrects them.
Letting go is not regretting the past but growing and living for the future.
Letting go is fearing less and loving more.
– Author unknown.

My edited version about loving yourself:

Letting go takes love.
Letting go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t take responsibility for someone else.
Letting go is not cutting others off, but the realization I can’t control others.
Letting go is not allowing others to enable me but allowing myself to learn from natural consequences.
Letting go is admitting powerlessness, which means that the outcome is not in my hands.
Letting go is not to try to change or blame another; it is making the most of myself.
Letting go is not to care for, but rather it is caring about others.
Letting go is not to be critical about myself but to support and look for the good things.
Letting go is not judging myself but allowing me to be a fallible human being.
Letting go refuses to arrange or guarantee results and allows me to make choices that determine my own destiny.
Letting go refuses to protect myself from reality but encourages me to face the facts.
Letting go refuses to nag, scold, or argue but instead searches out my own shortcomings and corrects them.
Letting go is not regretting the past but growing and living for the future.
Letting go is fearing less and loving more.
– Author Unknown, Revised by Patti Plett

Productive Busyness

2010-09-22T01:15:00.000-06:00

It seems like it's been a long time since I've posted a new entry. Life seems to have gotten busy, but in a good way. With the busyness, I feel like I'm behind in a few things already! But, I have taken time to do something I love as well - taking pictures.

The lens was fogged up, but I like the effect

I've started teaching at SAIT part-time for a 2 month contract. I'm teaching a Mental Health course. It's a lot of work, but I'm enjoying it. I've also started with the veterans work. This past weekend, I had a conference in Edmonton - OT in Psychiatry conference. There were some interesting presentations and I did some networking, so it was worth the trip. Then, I had the youth camp, the kickoff for the year. It was really good! It was nice being out in nature, but also nice to have a warm cabin to stay in when it was colder outside. Saturday night was especially fun, playing Mad Gab and laughing until my cheeks were sore! :D It's been a while since I laughed so much. I felt like I made a good connection with one of the youth, in particular, and got together with her today. As usual, I took lots of pics. I'm also still doing Samba drumming. I went to a workshop the previous weekend to learn some more techniques. It was a great weekend. It was also the same weekend our band was playing at church, so the weekend was really hectic. I was quite exhausted after all that.

Here are some pictures taken at the youth camp.

Newborn kittens, but already they have learned to hiss to protect themselves.

Today's Box Store Experience

2010-08-30T21:34:00.001-06:00

Today I went to A Box Store (which shall remain nameless to prevent any chance of indirect advertising) to pick up a few household items. I don't like going there for many reasons. I hate the atmosphere and attitude of the shoppers who feel they don't need to watch out for others around them. I hate it when they don't look where they're going and walk straight into my wheelchair and get upset with me for just being in the aisle unless I quite loudly say, "Excuse Me" or "Watch out". I also don't like the long lines and the overall general lack of service. Today, as I was shopping, I actually was thinking, "This is pretty good. People haven't been rude, especially considering it was a back-to-school shopping frenzy. Staff were even offering help." In particular, I appreciated the kind gentleman who was working in the jewelry area. I needed a new watch battery. He didn't normally work in the area and quite openly shared he knew nothing about the area. However, he took the time to help me get a new watch battery. He wouldn't open up the watch for fear he might wreck it, but he provided the tools so I could do this. He offered to close it back up for me too. I also like the fact that when two individuals tried to skip the checkout line by paying for their items at the jewelry counter, he redirected them to the checkout lines as he was busy helping 'this nice lady' or something to that effect. After all that, it was too bad the watch didn't work with the new battery in place. I don't blame him, though. It's not his fault. The shoppers in general were even friendly. One lady offered that I could go in front of her in the line. So, I was planning to write this blog post about my surprisingly good experience at a store where I generally do not have good experiences. I really do take great efforts to avoid shopping at this store and will only go when I need specific items that I know are much cheaper here. I was planning out my blog entry as I was in line. A line that only had 4 people in front of me! Then, I pay for my purchases. That all goes well. So far, the blog entry is looking pretty positive in my mind.

Then I ask for a bag to put the toilet paper rolls in. I know for a fact the store has really large bags. They work especially well to hang off the back of my wheelchair, which is why I asked for this bag. The guy responds, "What, are you stupid?!" I respond with, "Excuse me? What did you say?" No response, of course. He didn't give me a bag either.

Honestly, instead of feeling offended, I actually found it funny. Of course, I didn't want him to know I found it funny. I didn't laugh until I was far enough away for him not to hear me. And, to be honest, no customer service employee should EVER say such a thing to any customer! The comment caught me by surprise, which is maybe why I found it funny. Maybe I found it funny because there had to be at least one thing that maintained the regular reputation of why I avoid going to this store as much as possible!

A fun post - The Humans are Dead video by Byron and Steve

2010-08-27T17:30:00.000-06:00

This video was done by a couple friends. Haha. I just heard my laugh just before they started singing - never noticed that before. Have a listen and enjoy! This was done at a talent night. I find it funny, anyway. You may or may not. :)

A New Way To Eat Oatmeal

2010-08-23T11:27:00.001-06:00

I like eating Oatmeal for breakfast. I try different things, either for the purpose of increasing nutrition or experimenting with taste. I often add peanut butter. Today I tried Nutella. Mm Yum! It's super quick and easy. Here's the recipe:

1/3 c oatmeal (uncooked)
2/3 c water
1 tbsp peanut butter or nutella
optional: add cinnamon to taste

In this recipe, no extra salt or sugar are needed as they are in abundance in the peanut butter or nutella.

Microwave: 1/2 min, stir in the now-melted peanut butter or nutella, another minute on high. Make sure you're using a large enough bowl or mug that allows for the oatmeal to boil and come up as the oatmeal cooks.

Let the cooked oatmeal sit for a few minutes. Then enjoy!

Note: the oatmeal / water ratio is 2:1 water to oatmeal so you can increase the amounts.
You could also add a little milk when it's cooked, if you prefer, or you could substitute some of the water with milk.

Quick work related update

2010-08-19T22:58:00.000-06:00

I just signed a contract today to teach an 8 week course on mental health at SAIT! It starts in September. I have a lot of prep work in the next couple weeks but I'm up for the challenge. It's part-time work so I still need to find more income, but it looks like some of the veteran affairs work is starting to come through. So far, not enough to support me on, but it's definitely a start! And EI can be happy because the majority of the work so far is an employee contract, even though only part time. EI doesn't seem to like the whole self-employed thing. Hopefully I'm not dropped yet. Things definitely seem to be looking up. :)

Feeling Hopeful

2010-08-19T11:29:00.001-06:00

Click on the picture to enlarge so you can see the details in the wings!

Since I got back from MB, I feel like my life has taken a turn. A positive turn. I don't know that anything is really different except that I'm feeling more positive and I truly believe that my next opportunity is around the corner. Maybe it was the long drive. Metaphorical, maybe? There's something waiting for me at the end of the long journey. Although in the case of life, the journey never ends. As in a long drive, though, particularly between Manitoba and Alberta, there are long stretches where it seems the road will never end. Then you come across a town. Or you spot something interesting that makes life more exciting. For me, I came across a rest area and took a detailed picture of a dragonfly - where you can see the wing details. I was able to take in the appreciation of such a creature and the amazing detail and creativity of God. It's all the little things in life that make it interesting and bring joy to my life.

My trip also made me realize a few things that probably also contributed to this turn. It's relationships with people that count most on earth. Sharing the little things - whether that be watching a wasp chomp on a piece of meat together and marveling in its strength of actually taking out a chunk of meat and carrying it, or taking pictures of pigs, or laughing, or playing games, or talking with people, hugging, or even crying together.

I also realized that God gave me a passion to work with people who are marginalized, and maybe that's his indication that this is the direction I need to move in. To focus on. I went to the Vineyard church in downtown Winnipeg (North End really). I felt comfortable there. This church has people from all walks of life including many people who are homeless, those working the streets, many who are marginalized in one way or another, and all the way to the other spectrum of individuals with significant wealth. It felt like home. And, I knew based on my experience there and a conversation with my friend over lunch that this is really what God has called me to do. To minister, through using my skills, training and experiences, to marginalized individuals. Marginalized can be several things - people who are homeless, people experiencing mental illness, people who are housebound, people who are refugees or new to the country, and pretty much anyone who's on the fringe of society. I also realized I can't focus on being an occupational therapist that is a jack of all trades. I'm already seen as a specialized OT by many people, which is a little frustrating in the job search process, especially when I'm not considered because people don't see the transferability of my skill set to other areas of practice. This doesn't mean I can't do other things related to OT. I do need to make money to pay my bills so I will do other things as I need to, but I want to focus on marginalized populations.

This seemed to be validated upon my return when I got a client through a program I've been registered with for a while that has a very complex situation. No, he's not homeless to my knowledge, but still, given his situation, he must be experiencing marginalization to some degree. Then I was contacted by the provincial professional association to put on a full day workshop on working with inner city populations. It's nice to be seen as an expert, but it also holds a certain degree of responsibility. I need to make sure that I am able to convey the messages that are important and teach what I need to teach. Then, I got another email inviting me to apply to teach mental health for OTA students. This, in an indirect way, falls into that category as well - preparing people to work with this population.

So, overall, I'm feeling a new sense of hope and direction. This past year has been a trust journey with God that he will provide. Not getting a job has been tough and very discouraging. I had an interview upon my return that was probably the worst interview I've ever had. But, in ways, it affirmed my passion for marginalized populations. Today, I learned that my EI is good until the end of November. I was beginning to worry about finances as I thought it expired at the end of September or October. I believe something will work out for me in the next couple months that will provide a steady source of income, and if not steady, than enough to set aside some for the slower times. As part of a task force set up at church, we are looking at what it means to be a Christian in our current economic environment. In some of the readings I've been doing, I've already been challenged to see if there are ways I can cut back on my expenses, even more than I'm doing right now. I haven't come to any conclusions yet. Maybe this is all part of the process I need to go through too - to re-evaluate my approach on life and realign it as need be.

Photo shoot with Pigs

2010-08-14T18:08:00.001-06:00

So, the story goes like this. I was driving down Penner Street in Blumenort (the tiny community my parents live in) with my niece. I see something in front of us on the road.

Getting ready to attack?

Patti: What's that in the road?
Kaia [squeals]: Pigs!!!
Patti: Quick! Give me my camera!

I get maybe one picture in, and a black SUV turns onto the street and tries to herd the pigs onto the meat processing plant yard. Yes, there is a meat processing plant right in town limits. In fact, it's about a block from where my parents live. Come to think of it, no wonder it smells so bad in their town on some days. Back to the story. We follow the pigs onto the yard. Kaia suggests I use my big camera and she use my small camera. Afterall, I've taught her well. She loves taking pictures, almost as much as I do, although she may not take pictures of some of the oddities that I've taken pictures of. We sat there on the yard, with some pigs coming close to the car to investigate and some hanging out in the big semi trailer ruts on the yard having a mud bath. Here is a sampling of pictures I took. You can link to Kaia's blog to see her pics and a video she took.

Pigs apparently love mud baths

I'm not dirty enough. I need to roll around in the mud more!

Some guy came to try to herd the pigs in. This pig got sprayed with the powerful washer hose.

This pig needs to be sprayed clean!

More mud bath shots

Manitoba so far

2010-08-01T12:30:00.000-06:00

I'm in Manitoba for a couple weeks. It's been good so far. Although I figured the drive could be done at every big city, I still enjoyed the drive. I took about an hour and a half of breaks and took it easy so my neck / shoulders wouldn't be too sore. I think the highlight of my drive was stopping at a rest area and going for a camera walk. The smell of the flowers were amazing - it smelled like clover honey! I took a picture of the bathrooms because I thought the buildings looked interesting and really out of place, but then realized they were the bathrooms. Haha. I got a great picture of a dragon fly, but I'll have to wait to post it until I'm back home where I can upload my pictures. I'm not using my own computer for online work here.

I spent my first few days with my family. I've played a lot of the Pigs game - where you throw 2 little rubber pigs like dice and get points for how they land. I also took my nieces and nephews to the Steinbach parade. It was actually a lot of fun although originally I had no desire to go to the parade itself. But, the time with my nieces and nephews is what counts and if that's what they want to do, I'll do it with them. I saw the forecast and I realized there was very little chance the rain would stop, so I prayed that despite the dismal forecast and the unlikelihood that the rain would stop, that it would stop in time for the parade. I didn't think the kids would have a lot of fun sitting in the rain and as much as I love rain, I wouldn't either. And, it stopped just before we needed to leave!

On Friday, I went to see the movie 'Inception'. It's a great movie and it was good to see my friend. On Saturday, I went up to Gimli with my old Life Group. There were some not-so-nice glitches to the beginning of our trip, but the day was great overall! In Gimli, just after I got out of the car, I looked up to see a couple from my church in Calgary who had just moved out here. It was great to see them and quite an unexpected surprise. The day turned out great! The weather was hot - over 30 degrees, muggy, and perfect weather to get into the cold water. I got a little sun burned, but not too bad. We didn't actually spend time together as the big group in Gimli itself. I was with the couple who I drove up with and another friend - the one I went to the movie with. Later, most of the group went up to Integrity Foods near Riverton for wood-fired pizza and a time of relaxing and connecting. If you ever get a chance to go to this place, I highly recommend it! This pizza is awesome and so is this iced mint tea (this time with red clover). I had the Mediterranean pizza. It was good, but next time I don't think I'll hold the olives. I generally don't like olives, but I remember the flavour they give this pizza and this flavour was missing. I tried the bison and mad garlic one and the Southwest pizza as well - both also great choices. It's pretty close to Hecla Island, and for those who like to be on the farm, there are a bunch of farm animals around. Interestingly, my aunt and many of her family were also there so I talked with them a bit. On the way back to Winnipeg, and then on to my parents, there was an amazing lights show in the distance. Beautiful oranges, beautiful lightening strikes and also beautiful glows across the sky. I stopped to take some pictures, then realized I left my camera together with my ID and other important pieces in Winnipeg. I also realized I left my stick (cane) at the farm. Argh. I guess that means a trip into Winnipeg today just to get it as I need these things and tomorrow won't work. I won't get the cane back, though, until later this week. Hopefully I can arrange to see some friends to make the trips into Winnipeg worthwhile.

Oh, and in other great news, I have a referral! I thought for sure I'd lose the referral because I'm away for a couple weeks, but in the end, they needed to delay a couple weeks because one of the team members is away on holidays as well. This will be a complex case and a good challenge. Hopefully this referral will work out and not fall through. And, hopefully I will get some more referrals and business in the next month. I'm starting to get concerned about my finances.

For now, I'm looking forward to this next week. It will most likely have some very stressful moments, but I still think it will be a good week.

Samba - a taste of what I've recently gotten involved with

2010-07-27T00:40:00.002-06:00

I've joined a Samba troup - Calgary Escola de Samba. Here's a video of our most recent performance. The percussion instrument I was playing here is not what I usually play, but I am still learning the different instruments. Who knows, this might become 'my instrument', although there are other instruments I like as much or more. So far, I've most often played a surdo - the big bass drums that are at the back. I like the sound of the surdo and the upper body movement involved. We usually strap it around my back and rest the drum on my wheelchair foot rests.

PB & J in a Can. Tasty.

2010-07-23T01:21:00.001-06:00

Canned Sandwiches. Wow. What's next? Notice the slight note of sarcasm in the title? I suppose I shouldn't judge its taste without tasting it, though. I think I did a post way back when on a canned burger so it's probably not a new concept. Anyway, imagine eating a peanut butter and jam sandwich from a can. Interesting concept. The benefits of this sandwich are a long shelf life, no refrigeration required, and grab-and-go convenience. All three of those 'benefits' make me wonder what kind of preservatives are in this product. I think it would be almost as fast to just make the sandwich from the other canned products - jam and peanut butter (ok, PB is not canned but still, it's a ready made product). And, whole wheat bread is so much tastier than white bread.

After hearing about this new product, I did some more research and came across this video. Apparently, the peanut butter and the jam are in separate packages within the can and people still actually have to prepare the sandwich. The pepperoni pizza flavour has the pepperoni and sauce already prebaked into the bread. I do get the cleverness in the packaging. Put it in a can, then it can be sold in a typical pop vending machine. Also, the can is sealed so the bacterial contamination is less likely. Still, I'm not entirely sold on the idea.

Hot Sauce Ice Cream

2010-07-14T02:24:00.000-06:00

I gotta try this. I saw it on tv (The Doctors) while working out and looked it up online. Hot Sauce ice cream made with green tabasco sauce. I wonder if it would be good with rooster sauce - I could just add some rooster sauce to some vanilla ice cream and mix it in. In the video, they were adding the hot sauce directly to the ice cream in addition to the hot pepper flavour. They also suggest it has a bit of a cinnamon after taste. I'm not sure about that, but I think it could be good. They describe it as at first being a little sweet, then becoming a little hot. If you're not sure what I mean by rooster sauce, it's the hot sauce with a green lid and a picture of a rooster on the bottle. It is found in Asian supermarkets and also in supermarkets with an International aisle.

Check out this link to the video Hot Sauce Ice Cream (The Doctors). As it's part of a tv show, I can't embed the video here.

TABASCO® Homemade Jalapeno Ice Cream Mix

We know it sounds crazy, but this ice cream mix actually makes an unusual tangy treat the whole gang will enjoy. Put some in your mouth and you'll feel the cool and creamy ice cream. Take a second taste and the mild, spicy flavor of the jalapeno pepper comes through. It's perfect for those chili heads or share it with family or friends when you prepare your favorite Mexican meal at home.

(Quotation from http://countrystore.tabasco.com/prodinfo.asp?number=03473)

Good piece of news

2010-07-13T20:55:00.000-06:00

So, last week, I had a bit of a potential medical scare. I had gotten some routine bloodwork done and the day after I got it done, I had a message to call the doctor's office because the doctor wanted to see me as soon as possible to discuss the results. That's never a good message. I was scared, so I didn't call back until today. When I called, I got an appointment within an hour, which increased my fear somewhat. Although, in the meantime, I did some research and looked up all the things that were checked off on the requisition - yes, I'm a geek and wrote it all down beforehand with the intent to research each one. So, after doing the research, I wasn't as concerned. I figured that whatever it might be would probably be something that could be treated. Anyway, I went to see the doctor and there was a slightly - and she emphasized slightly - elevated level for one of the things but she wasn't worried. She figured that number could fluctuate a bit with diet and she didn't see it as being a problem particularly as it was only one out of a number and with the one that it was, I'm guessing (based on my research) that several of them would have been off if there was a problem. Anyway, she just let me know because it was her responsibility to tell me, even though it was only a slight difference in number. For me, this reassures me this new doctor is thorough. She also went over the bone density results. Considering I went off the medication for my bones for close to a year, I was certain that number would have gotten worse, but the results were very positive! And I quote, there was a "significant increase in bone density in the lumbar region"! I've done some things in my life that may have contributed to that increase, namely I started working out in a gym and doing some resistance type of exercises. This report has encouraged me to keep up with the exercise and try to increase the amount I do in a week. Maybe one more day in a week. I always feel good after a workout. I guess it's often a time factor. But, if it's making a difference in my health overall .... I should really prioritize this.

After almost 12 years of owning my car ...

2010-07-07T11:21:00.000-06:00

After almost 12 years of owning my car, I learned something new about it this week. I always wondered why my radio would get louder when I turn the knob to the left to turn it quieter. I have to turn it around and around a few times before it starts to get quieter. Usually, when I'm actually wanting it quieter, I want it quiet NOW. So, last week, when I was looking up reports on my make and model of car to determine whether it would make sense to do more major repairs or whether I'll have to look for a different vehicle soon - or, rather, when I have a steady source of income - I noticed almost everyone was complaining about this radio thing. Someone pointed out this is actually a feature on the car. A feature?! Seriously? Well, apparently, it's supposed to auto-adjust to the loudness of the road noise. The trick recommended was to slightly pull the knob out, then turn it down and you'll have immediate results. I tried that this week and every time I've tried it, the volume goes down. Who would have thought that I'm still learning about new tricks of my car almost 12 years after purchasing it!

Today was a Good Day

2010-07-07T00:16:00.002-06:00

It started off well. I woke up at a decent hour and had some quiet time. I got ready for the day and started working on a document I need to prepare. I also followed up with some phone calls, although I wasn't totally impressed with some of those results. When making my lunch, I got a call about an interview - for a 'real' OT job. The role is for working with youth who have eating disorders. I did a placement in this area and really liked it. So, we'll see. I went for a workout, then went grocery shopping. Yesterday, I was invited to this event of sorts for today - preparation for a birthday gift for someone I know a little bit. I knew none of my 'typical' friends (as in the ones I hang out with all the time) would be there, so I went to this event wondering how long I'd stick around. Alas, I was one of the last to leave! It ended up being me and the 'crazy ladies' from church and a couple other people - seriously they call themselves that. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. And it was so good seeing my landlady with such a bright smile on her face. I haven't seen her so happy in a long time. I got a great video of one of the ladies singing and trying to do a trick with a fan. It was so funny. It's not on my camera, though, so I can't post it. But I'd certainly love to! Seriously, I didn't imagine I'd have so much fun! I like those unexpected moments. And, my evening ended with a really good conversation and hearing some awesome news.

3BT post

2010-07-06T23:42:00.002-06:00

1. Laughter. And lots of it!
2. Having a car to drive.
3. The summer weather.
4. That feeling after a good workout.

Divine Creativity

2010-06-29T21:10:00.003-06:00

It has been a while since I've taken a few hours just to take pictures. I love being out in nature and I wanted to do some planning for my business so I decided to stop at Pearce Estate Park on my way home today. I didn't do a lot of planning, but I did get some exercise in, wheeling along the paved paths and taking lots of pictures - more than 200! Taking pictures, for me, is a way I connect spiritually. I notice the little details and appreciate what my Creator has made - the intricate details, the spectacular creativity, the beauty. And I just 'am', taking it all in. Lately, I've been reading the book Making Your Dreams Your Destiny by Judy Rushfeldt that resonate with me that also link to the idea of creativity. Here are a few quotes about creativity from the book:

"God is utterly, undeniably extravagant. Creativity is God's essence; he can't help being extravagant with it. He is creativity. And so are you - for divine creativity is woven into the fabric of your soul." p. 60

"Every great invention, every painting or musical composition, every child's finger painting splattered on the wall, every flair for artistic flower arrangements or love of beauty or romance, every warrior instinct to protect and defend loved ones, every entrepreneurial drive to start new business ventures, every creative act, from a toddler building a sandcastle to an architect designing the world's tallest skyscraper -- all these emanate from the divine creativity that is irrevocably stamped on our souls" (p. 31).

"The same God who designed the splendours of the universe personally planned every little detail about you, including your physical characteristics, personality, talents, and -- most important -- your life purpose. He never planned for you to live in misery and failure; he planned for you to live with joy and purpose" (p. 37).

The author goes on to encourage readers to 'cultivate and express' (p. 60) creativity as this will nourish our hearts.

And a quote about change that's connected to nature, also from the same book:

"Though winter is indeed harsh and cold, it is also the time when the dead leaves are absorbed into the frozen soil, decaying and breaking down into minerals and other nutrients necessary to nourish new life in spring" (p. 83).

I haven't finished the book, but I am hoping to write more of a review at some point as there are other concepts and points that really jumped out at me. When I first started reading the book, I thought it was pretty hokey. The title alone made me think this would be some sort of cheesy "motivating" style of book. I picked it up again recently and thought it might actually be helpful since I'm trying to figure out where to go next in life. It's been quite helpful, actually, as there are some exercises to do and some reflection questions to consider. It's helped me realize what kinds of things make me happy which may help in figuring out what I will focus on in the next while.

And, now for the pictures I promised...

Using super macro mode, this is the fluff of the above dandelion. Look at the amazing creativity and detail that went into the creation of this flower that so many of us think of as a weed.

There was white cotton like fluff everywhere in the park.

My version of 'Scream':

I found this little metal ball on a picnic table and thought it was kind of neat. Picture worthy, anyway! :)

And some rainbow pics taken after a thunder storm last week:

Below: With a wee bit of colour tweaking, I darkened the image and increased the saturation. Up close, you can actually see the raindrops too (you can click on any of the pictures to enlarge them).

Remotivation by Unfortunate Circumstance

2010-06-21T13:14:00.003-06:00

It's been a rough week. My car has needed some significant repairs - two times in one week! One, I knew about and scheduled the appointment, and the other was a freak thing which lead to some other repairs. The total of both bills will come to just under $3000! Ouch! Time for a new car??? The only thing is, I don't have work so I can't take on payments. And, buying second hand doesn't really make sense either as repairs will be needed soon on that too. On Saturday, I was at some friends' place and when I was leaving, I heard this awful metal cracking sound. I was hoping I had driven over something, but really knew it was my car. I turned the wheel back to straight ahead and I saw the left front end drop. The coil in the suspension system snapped. From what I can tell in talking to the mechanic, as well as my dad and another friend who knows a bit about cars, this type of thing is a freak accident. Nevertheless, the front end needs serious repairs. I am so thankful, though, that I was in a parking spot when it happened and not on Deerfoot or another major road. Also, I'm thankful it didn't happen on my way to Canmore, as I had plans to go to Canmore for the day on Sunday. That could have been disastrous. So, in a way, somehow, I'm handling this new setback without a lot of emotion. It feels like when my car was broken into again, and yet again. It's like, 'Oh, yeah, it happened again'. It, in this case, being yet another car repair. When my car kept on getting broken into, I started to almost find it amusing. At first it was like a violation to me. Then it was just, 'oh ok', and now we move on. I'm still concerned about the financial part of it - that I'm burning through money really quickly. Money that ends up becoming debt. But, strangely, I don't feel worried. It's out of my hands. More on that later.

Last week, I was a bit of a mess - the unexpected amount I had to pay for the repairs, not even being considered for a job I went to an interview for just because I can't lift / transfer people, realizing again that I'm really an outsider in a group I was beginning to feel I was a part of, and other small things. It just hit me and I felt really discouraged. The not being even considered for a job where, during the interview, they indicated pretty much everyone who applies gets in because it's just a list was what hit me hardest and the other things just added to it. They actually called me and told me the reason they couldn't consider me. I felt like, "why am I even trying?" I keep on applying for jobs. Jobs in the unofficial OT world where I know I've got all the required qualifications and skills, I'm not even getting calls for interviews. I am getting calls for OT jobs now, but as soon as they learn I can't lift / transfer people, they go with someone else instead of problem solving. So frustrating! So discouraging! But, it also seems to reinforce the fact I need to work on getting my business going. If it's my business, I can control that a little better. Or, at least, in that case, I'm marketing my abilities and strengths and connecting to places where I feel my skills are a good match for their needs.

So, after hitting that huge wall of discouragement, I was surprised on Saturday when I really didn't have emotion about the car breaking down. I knew it would be a big job. A loud metal cracking sound can't be good. And, seeing my car drop like that, and then look at it from the outside and seeing the fender almost touching the wheel... I guess, strangely, I think my thoughts were, "this is out of my hands. I can't do anything about this. I know I can't drive it. So, whatever happens happens". I was at my friends' place and their little girl was eager to sit beside me on the grass to watch the tow truck girl get all set up and tow the car. The fact it was a tow truck girl instead of a tow truck guy totally inspired me for some odd reason. She knew her stuff and it didn't matter whether she was a guy or a girl. In some ways, I thought she was friendlier than other tow truck drivers I've met. She took the time to show me what broke. Of course, she had to add the caveat that she can't diagnose, etc. The little girl eagerly coming to sit with me was cute and special. So, there were little things that I could pull out of the day that was kind of neat. The next day, her parents asked me to be her godmother. She is getting baptized in fall and when they asked her who she wants to have as her godparent, she right away said, "Patti". I thought that was cool and also kind of cute. I also was able to spend some time this weekend with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, so that was also good.

Strangely, though, the huge expenses incurred from the past week, and the rejections experienced last week has sort of remotivated me to do something. I don't think I can go too much lower. I need to take some serious action to do something. I will run out of money very soon if nothing happens very soon! Just looking for jobs has not been successful in the least. Yes, I've gotten interviews. So, I guess that's been a success, but it's also been a real source of discouragement. Maybe it's a bit of a dusting off from the pitfalls and trying to get back on track. This morning, I've been busy. I called in to the scheduled group conference call for the Veteran Affairs work. Turns out I found out one of the reasons I haven't gotten any referrals is that they had the wrong phone number on file, the other (which I knew) is that the program has been really slow in getting going here. I checked into the contact information issue later, and there had been a data entry error which is now resolved. Who would have thought that would be the reason for not getting referrals? They looked at my paperwork and confirmed a data entry on their part. They had apparently tried to give me a referral which is how I learned about this. Apparently the number on file was disconnected. I am now working on getting approved for general OT work with the federal agencies. It looks like there shouldn't be any difficulty to get approved as I have already been approved to be a service provider in another capacity. I sent in the registration form this morning. I also have to prepare a document to send to the registrar regarding providing music lessons to people with disabilities. I feel like I have some very concrete steps to do and that maybe there will be some potential for income. I have also been set up with a mentor in getting my business going. I will still need to look for jobs and will continue to do so. But, more and more, I am feeling that getting the business going will be my best option for employment as the rehabilitation world is just not ready for people who have disabilities to be part of the service provider team.

I will have to work on building a thicker skin to not take rejection personally when I do try to get contracts and clients, as rejection is part of the process. At the same time, I can reframe that so I know it's not about me. It's about the client not being a good fit with the services at this time. I also know that I need to work on confidence in approaching people. Maybe this is the next step in my life journey - this process may actually boost my confidence several notches. I'm not the most unconfident person out there, but I know I definitely have room to grow. I need to really believe in myself, my abilities, and what I have to offer. And then, show it! Hopefully the mentor will be able to help me in this.

Here's some good laughs - a sample of some comics I enjoy

2010-06-15T00:03:00.002-06:00

I enjoy a good laugh and something I do to have a laugh is read comics. The comics below are from one of my favourite series. Enjoy! These ones somehow often reflect real aspects in life. Or are just cynical. :)

From Pearls Before Swine, 05.23.10. This is my life ... well, not the looking at hot girls part. But it's so easy to get distracted. :)

And another, also from the same comic strip, 05.25.10.

Have you ever noticed birds' wings flutter when they chirp?

2010-06-13T23:03:00.001-06:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. I'm not exactly sure what to post about. I've kind of hit a slump. I've lost some motivation in looking for work and even in getting my business going. The looking for work is very discouraging. The getting-the-business going - well, it hasn't been hugely successful yet and it looks like a lot of work. I don't know exactly where to start to get it off the ground again, although this weekend I did a lot of brain storming. I'm looking at the idea of providing piano / keyboard lessons for people with disabilities. My OT training should come in handy with that and I do have 7 years experience giving lessons. I definitely have a lot of things to think about and do. Getting the word out there will be a big challenge. Finding a place to provide the lessons will also take some organizing and networking. During my reflection time, I was also thinking about some other things in my life and feeling a little discouraged. Something neat happened while I was thinking about that. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move. I turned my face to see a bird hopping along the edge of the garage roof. It just struck me as neat. I watched the bird for a while longer, and I noticed that as it chirped, it's wings fluttered and I was in awe. Haha. In awe at a little bird. The intricacies of it's movements. It reminded me that God cares about and provides for everything a little bird needs - how much more does he care for us as humans, made in his reflection.

Be Careful, Handle With Care

2010-05-14T01:33:00.001-06:00

This week, my friend's daughter called after me 'Be Careful!' when I was doing something. She had heard her parents say this often around the new baby and probably in a number of other situations. It was pretty funny. Cute and funny.
I also watched one of my favourite movies, 'Unbreakable'. This is a movie about a man who has Osteogenesis Imperfecta, or OI. Although the man in this movie has some pretty significant mental health issues, there are times I can relate to him. My condition has many similarities to OI, but mostly, that my bones break very easily. 'Be Careful' is something I've heard all my life and it's become a part of my life now. Always needing to be careful, but I know I have to live and not be focused on the possibility of injury all the time. And, I think I do - I enjoy life and experiences. I had a doctor once that told me I need to live - that I need to take risks sometimes and I can't avoid life experiences (the example was a 4 day canoe trip) just because I might get hurt.

Which brings me to the book I was reading this week, "Handle with Care" by Jodi Picoult. I started reading it a few weeks ago, then put it down. I wasn't sure I'd finish it. It hit too close to home for me. This book is also about someone who has OI. A young girl, about 6 years old. The book describes pretty graphically some of her breaks. That's probably the part that gets me most as this is something I often think about. I tend to imagine it all too well when I read something like that. But, more than the breaks, the book is somewhat disturbing because the mother initiates a wrongful birth lawsuit. It appears, at least originally, that the lawsuit is solely about getting a large sum of money to be able to care for the daughter. In some ways, I understand where she's coming from. They live in the US where healthcare does not cover many of the health related expenses. Our health care system doesn't either, but it's certainly better than the American system. For example, the medication I take is not covered by the health care system in all provinces (not the one I live in - wait, no meds are covered by the province here unless you're on social assistance or other government money). But, it's also a medication that's not covered by all insurance plans. There are other expenses, too, like mobility equipment, maintenance of it, and buying some things that make life a little safer or easier. Or ensuring housing is accessible enough. In the US, where the book is set, there are many more health related expenses that our healthcare system covers. The family was in debt way over their heads just covering surgeries, casts, and other medically necessary equipment. The mother wanted to provide for her daughter and a lawsuit seemed to be the way to go. At first it seemed like the lawsuit was all about money. I don't agree this is the way to go, but I can see, in desperate situations, how else will they cover the medical expenses that will add up. It was predicted to cost $30,000 per year for every year the girl lives. But the lawsuit cost a lot more. A lost friendship. Family problems from every angle. A sibling feeling unloved and turning to self harm and binging/purging. As you get further in the book, though, it turns out, the mother had considered the idea of abortion and continued to wonder what her life would have been like had she gone through with it throughout the life of the little girl. Would things have been different or better had she not been born? Would it have been better for her little girl to not have suffered the way she did? In many ways, it felt like the mother was selfish. Yet, she championed for her girl. Fought for preventative measures. She knew the medical system inside and out and knew what to do when 'breaks' happened. She loved her daughter deeply. It's just hard for me to grasp the idea that it's ok to say the girl shouldn't have been born at all, even if it was 'just to get money'. What makes it worse is the girl heard her mother say this. What kind of message does this send the child?

This book also made me think about my own family. What it was like when I was growing up. I don't know how my sisters reacted, really, to the fact I was in and out of the hospital so much, or the fact my bones were breaking so often. In many ways, that was just life. The way I knew it, anyway. Overall, I think I was a happy child. I had to be so careful and couldn't roughhouse, or play outside. That was hard and lonely sometimes. Was it hard on my sisters? I know I got more attention than them sometimes because of my breaks. I know that my younger sister was quite protective of me - standing up for me when people teased me, holding my hand when I walked outside. We're pretty close in age. I'm sure she sacrificed a lot, maybe even without knowing it. I lived through her, though. I loved watching her play sports. I knew I couldn't, but it was a way to be part of things. I wasn't that close to my older sister when I was young, but I attribute that to our age difference. I'm sure she made sacrifices, too. And, what was it like for my parents? I know my mom was quite overprotective (or so it felt), but in reading this book, it helped me understand a little better why she was the way she was. I often resented not being allowed to go outside to play with the rest of the kids, although I do understand, and, to be honest, I didn't linger on it long at the time. I just found something else to do. And I wonder what it was like for my parents to live in fear all the time that I might 'break', as the book puts it. I'm sure it wasn't easy.

I think I had some irrational fears, too, that developed out of the fear of broken bones. I was so terrified of any animal that moved, even if they were harmless, like a kitty. Dogs were the worst. I was afraid they'd jump on me and push me over and I'd end up in the hospital again. Now, fortunately, I do like dogs. I read that people who have conditions like OI (although mine is not OI, but GO - Geroderma Osteodysplastica) often experience anxiety and develop some unnatural behaviours to try to protect themselves from getting hurt. I'm sure I have done this. I certainly experience anxiety at times when I think about ice, for example. It was evident the author did her research and I was happy to learn that people who have OI can and do have children. Again, I don't have OI, but GO is similar in the brittle bones department. I also feel like I can relate to the girl in the story. I remember kind of going into shock after some particularly bad breaks, doing a weird shiver. Being so cold. I also remember being on the outside in school, never quite fitting in. I had to sit out of gym class and had to do physio exercises instead. Kids were assigned to play with me. To stay in at recess. I had friends when the weather was cold or ugly. On nicer days, nobody wanted to be my friend. I was a bit of a showcase, particularly in the hospital, but also in school and other places at times. Also, because I couldn't run and play like the other kids, I read a lot. I grew in my vocabulary and in odd facts. I learned to understand Plaut Dietsche fluently because I spent so much time with adults. I learned to enjoy figuring things out mechanically or logically. I also excelled at playing music. It wasn't until maybe Gr. 5 when I started to have friends who stuck by me and actually wanted to be with me. For me, school got better as I went from elementary to junior high to high school to university. I'm sure that's not typical, but that's the way it was for me.

After reading the book, I also felt quite blessed. My condition doesn't seem to be as severe as OI. Most of my breaks have not been major. Yes, they're set backs and it sucks when it happens. I do live in fear that it will happen again, but I also can live at peace. I've learned to relax and just 'be'. My trust in God to provide has grown immensely in the past few years. I noticed this particularly the last time I 'broke'. It wasn't a major break but it was a set back of a few weeks. I seem to have gotten stronger as I got older. I'm also very glad that I don't remember many of my breaks. I think the majority happened when I was quite young. I'm also glad for a supportive family that stayed together. Although my parents may not have known of my diagnosis before I was born, I'm glad they didn't consider the idea of abortion. I have had a good life so far, overall. Yes, there have been set backs and some difficult times. There have been some really good times and experiences too. I'm also thankful for my faith and trust in God. That has gotten me through some very difficult and lonely times. Like the little girl in the book, I generally maintain a positive attitude and see the positives in others and in situations. I believe things happen the way they do for a reason, even if we don't understand it always or right away.

As far as recommending the book, it depends on why you want to read it. If you want to get a glimpse of what life is like for someone with OI or other brittle bone conditions, it may be somewhat educational, but keep in mind it's fiction and not entirely accurate. If you want a really good story, you might want to pick a different book. If you want a book that could potentially make you angry, this is a good one if you feel strongly about issues brought up in the book. One friend who read it commented the book evoked strong emotions of anger, particularly as she was pregnant at the time she was reading it. It does bring to light the experience of knowing your baby has a strong chance of not living beyond birth or facing significant disability if the child survives. For me, I had mixed feelings about the book. In some ways, it might give you a tiny glimpse into some things I experienced, but at the same time, my experience was and is quite different. It's definitely a 'drama' type of story. The whole idea of a wrongful birth lawsuit is still something I struggle with. If you've read this author's other books, there seems to be a trend in the way she writes. She writes as if writing letters to the character with the issue (in this case, OI). When reading the book, I felt like the author was setting up the idea that the girl would die. It felt a little predictable. Why else would they be writing to her? I won't say whether she does here, but what else is someone to think when it is so obvious the young girl doesn't have sections in the book. Mind you, her young age could maybe explain that. I was surprised I hardly got emotional when reading the book, actually. I think it would have been different had a good chunk been written from the perspective of the little girl. Mind you, she might have had a much more positive outlook on life. At times, it felt like the book didn't really flow, and I still don't know why there were recipes every few chapters, other than that the mother was a baker. But, overall, it was a decent book. Maybe 3/5.

Unfocused

2010-05-04T13:46:00.000-06:00

I'm feeling unfocused, and it's not a comfortable feeling. I've always had things to strive towards. I've always been goal oriented. When someone said I couldn't do something, that's what I wanted to try to do. Like driving a car. Or going to Australia. Or becoming an Occupational Therapist. Usually those things were things I wanted to do beforehand, so it wasn't a rebellious type of reaction. I've been unemployed now for about 10 months. I know life isn't all about work or school. In areas outside of that, things are going well. I enjoy my relationships and I'm liking my new place to live. But, somehow, I wonder if I'm wasting time. I sit here, just past noon, and I feel like I haven't done anything of value today. Yes, I read for quite a while. I reviewed some of my friends' blogs. I got the mail and read the important pieces. I looked at some postings. Sometimes I hear comments from people about what I do all day. I can't quite tell if it's in a judging tone, but I guess that doesn't matter. Somehow I find things to do. I'm rarely bored these days, which is so amazing actually. This time being unemployed has helped me slow down in life which was probably a good thing. But I do get restless. I feel unproductive. I feel like I don't have an aim. A goal.

I feel like I need to take some time to reflect. To just sit with myself and think about what it is I really want. To spend time in prayer to try to figure that out. And then let the processing happen. I tend to busy myself doing other things because it feels more productive. I really like the idea of a flexible schedule which comes with having my own business. I feel like I haven't put enough effort into building that up. At the same time, I feel like I don't know where to start. I know I just need to do something. Start with making some calls or something. At the same time, I know businesses take a long time to get up and going. Because of that, I feel I need a job to make ends meet. I need to know what I'm going to focus on in my business and figure out what I will do for marketing. So much to think about but again, where do I start? And how do I figure out the best plan - what kind of work is meaningful and also brings in money? There's a lot I'd like to do but there's no money in it and I have to make a living.

I also keep on applying to positions and there are some really interesting positions out there. I don't know anymore whether I should focus on getting a job or on the business. I don't know if it's possible to focus on both. It seems that I'm not getting calls on 'OT' positions but I do get some calls on the unofficial OT type positions. However, in those cases, it's double the work - I need to convince the interviewers that I would be the best fit - my educational background, my skills set, my disability, my experience. They don't set out to hire an OT so they need to know what an OT does. They also need to see that I'm the best fit for their position. I still get EI, and at the moment, my ends are being met, albeit having to watch my spending. But maybe I should find a part-time office job that covers my basic costs so I can focus on my business? I might be able to relax a bit more. Also, with an office job, I wouldn't be tempted to become too comfortable staying in that type of role. But then, again, I wouldn't have the time to look for OT type opportunities or places to use my OT skills.

So, that being said, I feel like my energies are spread around but not focused on a specific thing. I feel unproductive. And I feel like I don't have direction in life. Maybe I don't know what my purpose is in life. Or maybe I don't even know what my dreams and gifts are. That kind of information would be helpful in making a plan.

Update on moving #2

2010-04-29T01:17:00.000-06:00

I'm all moved in and starting to settle in. Well, almost. I still have my love seat, armchair and freezer somewhere else. The plan was to get that today, but weather conditions led to deciding for another day. Aside from that, the move went really well! I had lots of people helping at different stages of the process and I'm so thankful for that! I'm nearly unpacked except for my office. For that, I need to get a shelf. I'm also happy that I won't need a big shelf in the kitchen. I have an idea of what I want to do for the little bit that I need a shelf for and it should be pretty cheap. I have a problem reaching the upper shelves but I found something that should work to place on the counter itself where the microwave could go - which is on a separate cart. I'm really liking the place. It's so good to be out of the old place and in my own space again. Not that roommates are a bad thing. Like I've said before, I've had some good roommates. :) But I don't feel like I have to live in fear anymore that I'll make someone mad or annoy someone with my typing at my computer or cooking in the kitchen or running the faucet or simply just being in the space. I hated the unpredictability of not knowing what kind of actions would lead to some sort of reaction. Although this place is a basement suite, there's easily as much light as at my previous place. It's also good to have my bed again! So good to sleep in my own bed!! I wasn't exactly sure how the stairs out front would work, but I've found a way to get my wheelchair piled with groceries or other items up the steps. There is a long flat space between the steps so it's a matter of bumping the wheelchair up each step. I was concerned the eggs would break but they were safe. And otherwise, I simply use my cane to help with balance when going back and forth between the house and my car. And, hopefully, once I have everything here and I have the remainder of my things unpacked, or rather placed in the right places, I will take some pictures and post them. I think living here will be a good thing!

Update on moving

2010-04-21T14:23:00.000-06:00

As some of you know, I'm preparing to move yet again. I knew this place was temporary when I moved in. I hoped I'd be in a better place financially, and maybe I am, although I'm still not employed. I'm mostly packed, which is nice. And it's 3 days ahead of moving day. I still haven't been able to secure enough moving trucks (I do have one though), but I have faith it will all work out. This week has been a bit of a struggle in my current living situation. And, when things happen, I repeat to myself, "Only 4 more days, only 4 more days" or whatever the count may be to prevent myself from getting angry or irritated and just roll with the punches. I hope to get the keys for the new place in the next couple days and maybe spend a little time there - plan out a little where I want things. I will miss the dog here, but it will definitely be nice to be in my own place. Don't get me wrong, I've had some really good roommates and enjoyed my time with them. But having my own place will be a nice change after this place.

Laughing with Me

2010-04-09T17:35:00.007-06:00

Last night, we had a freak storm. It was a beautiful sunny morning with degrees in the double digits. Then, a storm blew in that knocked the power out and covered the once-brown ground in a white layer. I lit most of my candles and read by candlelight. But, the reading didn't last long. For those who know me, I love playing with candles and watching candle light flicker. And, I love playing with my camera. So, naturally, what else would I do? :D

I must have spent a good hour taking pictures, including trying to get self portraits in a mirror without the camera showing and using the candlelight to light my face, to taking up close pictures of the candles, the wax, the flames. In all, I took 216 pictures. I'm laughing, just thinking about it.

During my quiet time with God, I did some listening prayer. I asked God when the last time he laughed with me was. Instantly, I had a clear image of me sitting there in front of the mirror, laughing at how much fun I was having. And I pictured Jesus right there with me, laughing with me. I did, in fact, do this. Laughing at myself out of pure fun. Oddly, I was sitting in the bathroom on a closed toilet seat in front of the large mirror with the candles in front of me. The most unlikely place to have fun, really. I certainly wouldn't plan that. And, I knew God was right there, laughing with me that I could amuse myself so.

At a time when it's easy to worry about where I'll live or where my income will come from, it's nice to have moments like this. At a time when there is so much uncertainty in my life. An hour or so, where I'm not thinking about anything other than having fun and being in the moment. Doing something I enjoy. Enjoying fire. Enjoying photography.

Join me in enjoying candlelight!

Update on interview

2010-04-03T01:18:00.000-06:00

Just to let you know, the interview and presentations went well overall. However, I didn't get the position. I got an email indicating that while I have many of the qualities they are looking for they chose to go with another person who they believe is a better fit. It was disappointing hearing the news. I got the email on my way home from Edmonton. I had the opportunity to process this news and pray about direction for the future while I was driving. I guess, this means I'll be in Calgary for the next foreseeable future. Which I'm ok with. It's good to know that I can plan for staying here. It still would have been nice to have that job. And, this also means that I really have to step it up to find some income. Still more uncertainty, huh? But when does life not have uncertainties?

Great Service!

2010-03-30T20:08:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here in my hotel room - no, rather, suite, eating a Jerk Chicken and Coconut Lime Vinaigrette salad with mangos, cranberries, roasted red onions, sauteed red peppers and feta cheese on a bed of spinach. What an amazing salad! I discovered this awesome salad place within a Good Earth cafe that is at the base of the hotel. The service was awesome at this restaurant too! The guy at Good Earth, though, was puzzled when I just wanted to buy a couple tea bags. But, you see, I want to use the tea pot in my suite.

The service here at the hotel is pretty amazing too. Every time they see me, they ask if everything is alright with the room. They also ask if I'm with the university. I'm guessing they must have a standing agreement with the university about expectations. That, plus this doesn't seem to be a standard room. When they helped me with my bags, I asked if they could get the teapot down as it was on the top shelf. Other than that, wow! :) There's a separate bedroom complete with bathrobes and an iPod station. There is a large tv in the bedroom as well as the living room. There is a couch and chair as well as a desk and a cute table / chairs combination. And there is a full kitchenette. Oh, yeah, and a safe box. Pretty impressed!

And now, to finish my meal and get to more prep work for tomorrow's interview. I have to give 2 40 minute presentations with a 15-20 minute Q & A period after each. Also, I believe I have about 5 interviews within the interview process plus a lunch with faculty and a dinner with the selection committee. It will be a busy day!

By the way, I'm still really enjoying the salad. My mouth is burning a bit from the jerk chicken - but such a good combination!

Canadian Spelling: Did you know?

2010-03-15T20:12:00.007-06:00

In Canada, when do you use practice and when do you use practise? Or how about licence vs. license? Apparently (according to Wikipedia - I know, trusty source) :), practice is a noun and practise is a verb. Licence is a noun and license is a verb. Actually, this seems to be the case in most countries except the United States. In the US, though, they accept both spellings for licence / license as a verb but for practice / practise, they only accept the 'c' version as a noun or a verb. The chart on Wikipedia is actually pretty useful.

And, in Canada, we use colour, manoeuvre, grey (as opposed to gray), catalogue, organization (instead of organisation), theatre, travelling / travelled, yogout / yogurt / yoghourt (yes, all three are correct), instalment, labour, cancelled, defence (instead of defense), and cheque (for money cheques instead of check). Canadian spelling is a combination of British and American spelling for the most part, with the tendency leaning towards the British spelling.

According to a UVic English site, Canadians tend to be 'fair trade' with regards to spelling and there are very few words we feel absolutely must be spelled the Canadian way (which often is the British way). The word noted that Canadians are particularly concerned about was 'metre', which incidentally is a French word. We tend to use 'ise' instead of 'ize'. And a quote from this site: "There is, however, no absolute rule about Canadian spelling. The main thing is to be consistent with whatever you choose."

Crossroads

2010-03-09T12:04:00.002-07:00

It seems my life might be heading to a crossroads in the near future. As my current contract draws to a close, I find myself wondering where life will take me. I have a pretty important interview coming up at the end of March for a faculty position with the University of Alberta. It's an exciting opportunity, and whatever may come of the interview, the process will be an experience worth working for. At the same time, I need to move again. Originally, it was for the end of April, then it was bumped to the end of March, and now I can wait until the end of April if need be. I feel like I'm in the same situation as when I considered moving to Calgary. The opportunity to work at the Seed was exciting and something I thought would be good. But, I was also comfortable. I liked my apartment, my neighbourhood. I wanted to stay where my friends were. I was the right distance from my family to see them somewhat regularly but still be independent. Now, my living situation may not be so ideal, but I like where I'm at other than that. I also realize that I would not have met some awesome people had I not taken the leap of faith to come here. Somehow, I feel that I will be able to maintain these relationships if I do move. I have hope that things will work out somehow. In a way I hope it won't come down to a decision between something in Calgary or Edmonton. It would be the 'easy' thing to stay in Calgary, but the Edmonton opportunity would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And, if I don't get this position, well, I need to continue to work towards finding something. Another contract. A position. And a new place to live. Well, that's a given either way. But, for right now, I need to take things one day at a time. Continue to work on getting my presentations ready for the interview. Continue to develop and focus on relationships here. Continue to be involved at church. And continue to listen to what God has to say. To converse with him. There is a lot of uncertainty to life. I guess, in ways, that makes it exciting too.

Review of a Lecture: Suicide

2010-02-19T23:01:00.004-07:00

I went to a couple lectures today by Professor John Swinton of Aberdeen University (biography, Centre for Spirituality, Health and Disability) about Suicide as well as the church's response to mental illness, suicide, and survivors of suicide. A few things stood out for me.

Suicide or suicidal ideation is most often the result of a break in trust between the individual and the social environment, therefore it is both communal and relational . Another was the picture of severe depression as an abyss, as described by a participant in one of the studies described. The person is at the bottom of an abyss, sometimes seeing a trace of light and other times, sitting in complete darkness. As the chances of getting out of this abyss looks utterly hopeless, suicide seems to be the most logical and rational choice to end the hopelessness and despair. Even if they do get out of the abyss, as the person walks around the edge of the abyss, the person fears they will get sucked down into that abyss again.

Reasons for depression and suicidal ideation are often founded in losses: loss of tradional roles, social supports, sense of meaning or purpose, employment, etc. It can be the result of confusion over identity or the result of a culture of suicide where someone has 'succeeded' and it has now been modeled and, to some degree, accepted as an option. People with the highest risk are individuals with a history of mental illness, particularly affective disorders, schizophrenia, or alcohol addictions (possibly other addictions?). The phenomenon called 'anomie' can also lead to suicidal thoughts - a state of isolation and anxiety due to a lack of social control and regulation. In this case, there is a sense of alienation and detachment. Often, individuals feel they are in "no man's land". Sometimes, suicide gives the person a perceived sense of control. They can be quite angry if the suicide attempt was not 'successful', as the one thing they felt they could control did not succeed. Unemployment is a significant factor, as employment provides a sense of meaning. We frequently identify ourselves with our profession or job title. A lack of employment may lead to poverty and loss of relationships which leads to lower personal well-being.

Interestingly, research presented in the lectures suggest participating in a faith community on a regular basis appears to correlate to lower suicide rates. It is suggested this is due to the social community as well as the opportunities that arise from participation in regular gatherings where crisis intervention can occur because people can respond to needs. A sense of belonging to a group and being accepted gives a sense of protection. Regardless, mental illness still overrides the benefits of belonging to a group. On a different note, but related to faith, there is a phenomenon described as 'the double bind of religion' where people state God doesn't allow them to commit suicide and they are angry with him for that.

Recommendations to provide appropriate support for individuals includes creating safe spaces that are culturally relevant - places where people can do what they are best able to do. We also need to rename success - we need to re-evaluate how we define success. Should we be measuring something else as a mark of success? We also need to provide strong, positive and healthy male and female role models as the loss of identity has become a significant issue. Young people today do not know what it means to be manly or womanly, which can result in confusion.

Something I'd like to explore more from these lectures is the idea of Caplan groups. This is a bringing together of pastoral as well as non-religious supports (including professionals), to discuss how to best integrate the individuals experiencing suicidal ideation, individuals who are survivors following attempt(s), individuals with mental illness, etc. Interestingly, it was pointed out that it is essential each profession (including pastoral care) maintain its integrity of the profession so as not to lose the benefits that each profession brings. Each profession needs to stay true to themselves. As an Occupational Therapist, this idea struck me as essential because this is a profession that seems to easily meld into other professions or get replaced by someone of a different professional background without the team really understanding the benefits an Occupational Therapist can bring to the table. In the case where mental illness is a strong factor for the individual seeking support, it is easy for the professions to meld towards the psychologist or psychiatrist perspective.

Other notes that came out in discussion include:

lament is a form of worship. Also, how can faith communities (or other communities) provide space (literally and figuratively) for emotional release. A suggestion was developing a wailing place. A place that allows for sounds of lament.
it is important to know your scope (skill level) and to know the resources available to refer when necessary. Referring doesn't mean dropping that individual when you make that referral. If necessary, you can accompany the individual to the referral.
in relation to faith communities, it is important to be flexible - different styles of worship, accommodations required, understanding, etc. Not everyone is in the same place at the same time (spiritually and personally speaking).
churches should speak to the life, creating a sense of hope.

And now to leave you with some questions. Feel free to comment as you wish.

How can faith communities (or communities of practice or communities in general) counter stigma associated with mental illness and help seeking?
How can education directly address suicide and suicide prevention?
How will congregations or communities be educated?
How can a faith community discourage suicide and still support without condemnation?
How can faith communities support and encourage isolated individuals, persons with mental illness, persons at risk of suicide, suicide survivors, and those who have lost loved ones to suicide?
What would it look like if we actually lived by grace (as opposed to judgment)?

Video link for amusing song

2010-02-01T11:09:00.002-07:00

I came across this song at a party a while ago. We were joking around that this song was about me. It's also a little quirky, like me, and maybe a little geeky too. :D I find it amusing, so have a listen and watch the video.

Hoar Frost and Snow

2010-01-26T20:35:00.011-07:00

Over the past week or so, we've been having snow and some amazingly beautiful hoar frost. I attempted to capture the beauty. My photos don't quite do justice, but here's my go at it. I don't know if any picture can truly capture what we see with the eye. Although, the neat thing is that close ups can at least capture some things that we can't see with the naked eye.

The Porpoise Driven Life - isn't that what we called it?

2010-01-22T15:57:00.003-07:00

I came across this video. Mixed Nuts - you may enjoy this! :)

3BT post

2010-01-07T20:03:00.003-07:00

1. Excellent customer service at two different locations in one day!
2. An excellent deal on the printer I bought - less than what was even posted online!
3. A very tasty navel orange. mm ... I love oranges.

Reflections on an Old Decade and Looking Forward to A New Decade

2010-01-03T14:32:00.007-07:00

It's a new year, a new decade. It's been quite a decade.

10 years ago, I was just finishing up my first degree in Microbiology. Turns out I fell during my first week back at school and I ended up in the hospital for 5 weeks. The university gave me my degree 'as is' - instead of the Honours degree I was working on, they gave me the Major. This was not part of my plan. But then, does life ever happen according to our own plan? Without some of the events following this fall, I don't think I'd be where I am today. I'm sure I would have gone on to get a Masters or PhD in medical research and follow that career path. Or maybe not. Who knows?

I had a tough time getting a job, so I used my networking skills to find an opportunity to go to Australia. Well, the networking skills was more about going somewhere internationally. The Australia thing was more of a miracle - literally within 3 minutes of me sending my emails out generating interest in me coming to various labs to work, I got a response and the ball got rolling. I spent just over 6 months in Australia and it was life changing.

Australia was where I first really became independent. I didn't know anyone. I learned to enjoy spending time by myself. I developed a love for exploring - even within my own neighbourhood. I developed a passion for connecting with people from different countries and learning about their cultures and customs. I grew in my love for photography, even though I had a cheap camera. This was also a huge time of growth in my faith journey. My time in Australia is also a time where I developed a passion for social justice and working with individuals living in poverty. I also learned a lot about advocacy (through life experiences) and the process of hiring an assistant to help out with day-to-day things. A part of me was left in Australia and I'd love to return - if only to visit and to complete another goal in life - scuba diving (or snorkeling if scuba diving is not possible) in the Great Barrier Reef. Oh, and I got to experience other adventures in Australia - surfing and visiting a volcano, and of course, going to the beaches. :) I met so many wonderful people there too. Hmm ... notice I didn't even talk about the reason I actually went there - to work? For me, I quickly learned lab work was not for me. The Australia experience was more about life - learning skills, experiencing new things, meeting many wonderful people, opening my mind to things I've never considered, and growing spiritually.

Back in Canada, I worked in a lab because that's what I was trained for. I knew I didn't want to be someone's "gopher" all my life. I knew I'd have to continue in my education at some point. With a Bachelor's degree, I'd only ever be someone's research technician. I wouldn't be able to plan, to be a leader, to work with people as opposed to lab mice. I started researching opportunities. Meanwhile, the work environment was not a happy place. I learned to advocate for myself in a respectful manner. I learned a lot of work and life skills that still are useful. I'm glad, though, that I was able to come out respected. I also believe my boss learned some things about people with disabilities - that we don't have to be pushed around. That we have skills. That we can stand up for ourselves in a respectful way and not be treated like little peons. Hopefully, he also learned that people with disabilities do, in fact, deserve to be paid as much as anyone else with the same qualifications.

In my exploring of career options, I considered Social Work, Chaplaincy, Music Therapy, Speech Pathology, and Occupational Therapy. Speech Path was eliminated pretty quick - it wasn't a passion and I'd have to go the US to study. Music Therapy - I'd need to learn how to play guitar well before I could get into the school I wanted to. I'd also need to really upgrade my piano and I didn't have a piano to practice. It seemed like too many years to get into. Chaplaincy was an interest because of the counselling component and because of a few experiences in hospital where I had the opportunity to counsel some people as a fellow patient, both spiritually and personally. I felt God had gifted me in this area. At the time of choosing Occupational Therapy as a career path, I chose it because it seemed to combine components of Chaplaincy, Social Work and my background in physiology (my lab work was in the department of physiology). I'm so glad I made this choice because I've truly been able to incorporate the components of all 3 fields in this profession. I've even been able to incorporate music, which is really cool.

2003-2005 took me back to school where I got a Masters in Occupational Therapy. I enjoyed being in school again, the academic environment, and my jobs I had while in school. Of course, there were some really tough challenges during that time, but overall, this was a really good experience. It felt good to be respected for my knowledge and experience and as my schooling progressed, I was increasingly convinced I made the right choice. The class was small and overall, we were quite close. This was also a time of opening my eyes to others' views, which I enjoy. After I graduated, I was hired on to continue to do research as I searched for a clinical position. I also was hired on a Sessional Instructor - I had a strong background in physiology and neuroanatomy / physiology from previous work, and I was one of the instructors (from a distance) for this course for the year. I must say, I do miss the academic environment. Hopefully, one day I will be a professor, but first, I need to gain some more experience because good teachers draw on experiences for examples.

My journey to Calgary was also huge spiritually. Although I was unemployed (sort of), I was comfortable where I was at. I loved my apartment. I felt I had a good set of friends, and my family wasn't too far away. The right distance. I had come out of a not-so-good church situation and had just found a church I liked. It did feel 'temporary' to me - maybe that's because God was preparing me to go to Calgary. But, even while I was still a student, there was a posting for the Seed. The job itself was calling me. But, I resolutely was NOT going to Calgary. I bargained with God. I told him no way. But, I kept on seeing the posting, so one day, I said, "Ok, God, I'll apply ... but that doesn't mean I will go". I applied, got an interview, was even flown to Calgary with all expenses paid. I was offered the job, and I still hummed and hawed. I had some definite concerns about the position based on some of the responses I got during the interview. I won't go into that here. Nevertheless, I prayed a lot about it. I think, deep down, I knew I was to go. I knew for sure, though, one day while playing piano. I was feeling quite overwhelmed. I chose not to go to church and rather stay at my parents playing piano, praying, and connecting with God in that way. I played and sang the hymn 'It is well with my soul' and literally cried the whole way through. I had such peace about going. It was an amazing experience. From there, things moved quickly.

And, now, after 3 1/2 years in Calgary, I do think this is where God called me. It certainly wasn't by my choosing. Who knows how long I'll be here, or what God has in store for me. My experience at the Seed definitely had its ups and downs, and believe me, my first year, I was so ready to move back. But I promised myself and God I'd give it 18 months. And it's about that time when things started to get better. Now, however, I'm not working there. I've decided to start a business, and I may need to work part-time to make ends meet while that's growing. I've found some wonderful, amazing friends. The journey has not always been easy. But I've learned that God always provides. In my life, it does seem like it happens last minute quite often. I continue to believe he provides and will provide for me. It's also been a journey for me to come to the point of realizing this is where home is right now. Yes, mom and dad's will also always be home. But this is where I belong right now.

In these last 3 1/2 years, I've taken more plane trips than ever before in my life. I've visited the Yukon, BC, and of course, places in AB. I'm halfway to my goal of visiting every province / territory in Canada. I canoed the Yukon River. I've had my car broken into numerous times (not so different from when I lived in north end Winnipeg). I've gone white water rafting and quadding. And I've really gotten into photography. I've presented at a national conference. I've read some interesting books. I've found some new interests and I've met some wonderful people.

Going into 2010, I actually have a sense of hopeful anticipation. I think it will be exciting. I just signed on (if that's the right word) to be a youth leader and will go to the first event this friday. Hopefully that will be a good fit. This is something I've thought of for a long time. Maybe since I was in youth myself - that I'd like to do this some day. Experiences through the Seed and through being an aunt to soon-to-be-teenagers have also increased my desire to do this. I feel positive about starting a business and I do believe it will work. I also can't get much worse off as far as income goes, so I know that will improve. And, I'm happy with the relationships I have. I believe this year and decade will bring many wonderful experiences. Probably some pain and losses too. That's inevitable. But I'm happy that I can go into this year, this decade with a positive sense of anticipation - an excitement of what God has in store for me.

Goal Setting

2010-01-03T14:06:00.003-07:00

Many of us set goals in our lives. Many use New Years as a time to reflect and then choose a direction to move in for the year. I like to use this wording rather than resolutions because ultimately, we need some direction to move in. Once that direction is set, we need to set goals to get to that point. Goals need to be reviewed on a regular basis and modified as needed - they are not static. Goals aren't meant to be binding and restrictive; rather, goals are meant to encourage, to challenge, and to provide a measuring stick to know whether you are moving in the direction you want to go in. Goals are meant to lead to an outcome that is meaningful; something we are striving towards that moves us forward in life. And, when the appropriate goal is set, it is much more likely the goal will be met. A resolution seems much more inflexible and restricting. Either I meet the resolution and succeed or I don't and I fail. A goal is so much more encouraging because it includes an action plan.

Goal setting has also become a big part of my professional life. Right now, I have a contract where I meet with women who have come across difficult times in life and need some help moving forward in life. And, to keep my professional portfolio up-to-date, I need to continually set goals, reflect on progress, and modify as needed. ... And, of course, show evidence of meeting those goals. I've also written a lengthy paper on goal setting - the benefits, strategies that work better than others, etc.

So, why is it that I don't meet goals I set for myself? Well, sometimes I do. I do when I know there is accountability, like in my professional work. But, often, I don't. I'm sure I don't practice setting 'SMART' goals. I know I don't. I came across an article today about goal setting. The author talks about how we so often make excuses and don't accomplish our goals. She suggests instead of a 'yes' or 'no' type of goal, a 'This way' or 'That way' goal may be more likely to be met. The example of regular exercise was used - having 2 alternatives for exercise - a 1 hr swim or run and a 10 min power walk or bike ride for those busy days. The person in question often resorted to the 10 min option but then extended the time to an hour. It's easier to consider the smaller goal as something that can be done versus a bigger goal, when in fact, the smaller goal is used to reach the bigger goal. Another idea that was suggested is linking the smaller goal to something that you really look forward to. Essentially, choose a Plan B option that is easier to accomplish that is a step towards the bigger goal, and go with Plan B.

Maybe I'll have to try this. I know I would really like to do more exercise. I always like the feeling after working out - even during the work out. I really enjoy a ball exercise video that combines Pilates and Yoga moves with a ball. There is only one exercise in the whole workout that I'm not able to do physically and maybe that will come. I love the feeling after I'm done, but I think - wow - a whole hour. An hour seems so long when there's other things to do that seem to be more important. I really like aquacise too, but that's a 2 hr commitment. I know I "just have to do it" and I'll enjoy it. I wonder what a smaller option could be that would get me doing the full hour eventually at least 3x per week. Or, maybe I need to think of it as 1x/week? Ideas anyone? It's hard to commit to something when there is so much uncertainty in my life. But, maybe that's exactly when I need to commit to something.

Steinmann, D. (2010). How to make your goals happen. Meditations for Women. Retrieved on May 1, 2010 from http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/artman2/publish/goalachievement/How_to_Make_Your_Goals_Happen.shtml.

3BT post ... and a link to an awesome video

2009-12-14T19:54:00.004-07:00

It's time for another 3BT's post (3 Beautiful Things).

1. The orange glow of streetlights on freshly falling snow.
2. The fact I got all my Christmas shopping done without entering Walmart! :) I got it done all in one afternoon. And enjoyed myself for the most part. I am thankful for the option of online purchasing, though. Less tiring and the mix of going to stores (in real life) and browsing through stores online makes shopping more enjoyable.
3. Sex in a Pan. The dessert, that is. :D
4. Powerful music ... such as the link below. Particularly fusions of classic and something else (rock, metal, alternative, etc.).

I've posted this video before but it was taken down. I love this guy's music and this song, in particular, this song. The 2nd video is a different version of part of that song - I love the energy in this one too. You can see how much he's enjoying playing.

Love Story Meets Viva la Vida

Love Story Meets Love Story

'Extreme Weather' pic

2009-12-14T19:49:00.004-07:00

I entered this into a contest and came in tied for 3rd. Not that it's a big, competitive contest. Still, it's nice to come in the top 3. :) This picture was taken on the evening of Nov. 27 from the patio outside my apartment. As you can see, the snow was falling heavily. I love the orange glow of the streetlights when it's snowing. I think it's so beautiful.

Photograb - Mt Sarrail

2009-12-04T19:49:00.003-07:00

I put up a 'game' - Mt Sarrail. Try it out! :)

I heard about this game through a TED video. The designer of many puzzles was talking about developing puzzles. I found it quite inspirational and geeky, and wondered at my geekiness for enjoying it. Haha.

Thoughts on Heaven - Sunday's Coming

2009-11-28T16:08:00.012-07:00

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears. There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, and we'll see Jesus face-to-face (song, There Will Be A Day, Jeremy Camp).

This song quote almost sounds cliché, but there is truth and comfort in it. At least, if you believe you will see Jesus face-to-face. I think, too, that this quote sums up the comfort of the idea of heaven for most people. A better place. No more pain. No more crying. No more fears. And all will be well. In general, heaven is a concept I try not to think about. However, recently, it's been on my mind more. I've had conversations and read books and recently, people I know have passed away. And at times such as this, it lends to reflection. I guess, though, shouldn't we be thinking about heaven as being more than just this place with no more hard times? Isn't it more than that? And yet, that's one of the reasons why I look forward to heaven. Granted, I'd still say I don't want to go just yet.

A few weeks ago, I came back to a book I started a long time ago - 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper. He was in a brutal accident, literally died on the scene, and had a heaven experience. After 90 minutes, he revived and came to. In the months (and maybe even still) that followed, he questioned many times why he couldn't stay in heaven instead of being in constant pain on earth. But there was more to it than that - the longing to be with Jesus. To be in that glory. Over time, he saw a purpose for him to continue to be on this earth. Over time, he saw his purpose in being on this earth, but it took a while. But he notes that while he was in heaven, he didn't think about those he left behind. To him, it was but a short good-bye. He'd see them again. The experience was glorious and the book goes into a fair amount of detail as to what he experienced. I've also heard of others who have had a similar experience. Although I believe they're thankful for the time they have with loved ones today, those are the people who I see long the most to be with Jesus in heaven.

The whole idea of heaven itself is a mystery to me. During a conversation with a friend recently, we talked about the idea that heaven really means being with Jesus. I guess, my response to that is, aren't we with him now? Isn't he ever-present with us? How is that any different than now? Or does that mean this is some sort of heaven. In doing more reading and thinking, I think in our lifetime on earth, we catch glimpses of something to come. A taste. Like experiencing peace in times of difficulty or pain, experiencing and knowing God's presence, experiencing beauty in people or in nature or in art, or noticing the little things in life when we are living in the moment. Feeling the wind on our face, noticing the details in how a bird hopes or an animal moves, or watching the trees move, or listening to the flow of water, or hearing other nature sounds. (Wow - that sentence is something similar to what I wrote in a different post - I guess it's obvious that this is one way that I connect with God). But I think the song "I Can Only Imagine" (Mercy Me) sums it up quite well - see below.

Like the people who have had 'heaven experiences', I hope that my desire to be with Christ eternally will become a longing. I do hope that I don't need to go through some horrific process or serious illness to get to that point. :) I don't want that longing to be only about the beauty that has been described in various biblical passages or that life will be blissful with no pain, etc., but about being in the very presence of God. And, yes, a part of me looks forward to the day when I won't have to worry that I will slip on the ice and fall and break something or have some other fall or injury that leads to broken bones. I look forward to being able to walk normally and to be able to jump or dance. When I think about this part, I long for that. The song, "I Can Only Imagine" has special meaning to me, both in the idea that I will be physically restored and that heaven is about worshiping God. When I listen to that song or watch the video, it brings tears to my eyes. I get this overwhelming sense of - I don't even know how to describe it. Maybe longing is the word. Maybe this is my glimpse of longing.

I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, yeah, yeah, yeah

Surrounded by your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja,
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah

I can only imagine, yeah, yeah
I can only imagine, Yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, Ohh yeah
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when all I will do
is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine

And another song that has been in my head recently related to heaven:

There Will Be A Day (by Jeremy Camp)

And for those who have lost someone recently or are experiencing a lot of hardship,

It's Friday ... But Sunday's Coming!

On Death and Living

2009-11-28T14:06:00.008-07:00

It seems over the last while, there has been a theme of death - in conversations, in the news, in people I know passing away, in learning of a resurfaced terminal illness in an aunt, in books. It seems to be everywhere. There's also been a theme of living. Truly living. And about heaven - what is it really? Is it really something to look forward to? This last bit, I'll address in another post.

Disclaimer: This blog entry may be a little disjointed. Before writing it, I jotted down a bunch of thoughts. Even shed a few tears. Hopefully it will tie together in the end. And if not, bear with me, and comment on anything you feel you would like to comment on.

Something I've been grappling with - and haven't really come to terms with yet - the whole idea of healing. I believe in healing miracles. I believe they happen, even today. Why do some people have a long drawn out illness hoping every moment for a miracle while others have such a short time - and still, if conscious, hoping and praying for that miracle. I heard of another death today - the wife of someone I knew back in Winnipeg. She battled cancer for so long - and she together with all those around her believed so strongly God would provide earthly healing for her. I do believe, in her case, that she received healing many times as she long out lived any predictions doctors made. She received healing after healing. Yet, she still ultimately died of cancer. How do we justify when prayers for earthly healing don't seem to be answered? Or is it up to us to justify that or just trust that somehow this fits into a master plan that we are incapable of fathoming in our earthly lives.

I've also been thinking about the fact that, so often, when thinking about death, we approach it quite selfishly. In no way am I saying grieving is selfish. That is such an important part of the process and we need to do that. But I'm talking, more in general. Thoughts that come to mind when thinking about death. For example, many of my relatives have passed away. As I get older, I let out my breath and thank God it wasn't my parents or immediate family. It sounds so cruel reading that statement. I know my parents have some health issues. I know we all could go at any minute. I just don't want to think about what that could be like. And it's such an inconsiderate and selfish thought when I look at people I know and care about a lot going through the pain of losing someone close - a spouse, a mom, a dear friend, a father (or father figure), etc. At the same time, maybe there is some benefit to these thoughts. They certainly make me appreciate those in my life so much more. And it forces me to consider whether there's something more I can do to show my love and that I cherish each moment together. Death reminds me once again that people - that relationships - are the most valuable 'possession'.

It's easy to put a selfish spin on death. We go to funerals and see all these people who loved the person who passed on. And we selfishly think, "how many would come to my funeral" or "would they have something good to say about me?" Admit it, you've probably had this thought at some point. Recently, so many around me have experienced death in their lives, even if they hardly knew the person. In these cases, I've often heard this question (above) as well as "Would people even notice if I weren't around". It's sad to hear these thoughts, but I wonder whether this is a societal thing as well. I wonder if there aren't many people out there who have such thoughts. With such an individualistic society, it's not a wonder so many people feel lonely. Feel unloved. And I wonder if there's something more I can do to show that I love these people. To at least do my part in helping them feel loved. I think about a client who killed himself while I was away on vacation. There was nothing I could do to stop it. He was on an up-swing from a deep depression. Before, he didn't have the energy to kill himself. But, once he got a place of his own, things started to look up - enough to have the energy to kill himself. I wonder if I could have done something to help in the situation. But realistically, I can't think of anything. I did go to the memorial service and his daughter thanked me profusely for everything I did when I was meeting with him. She knew enough about me to know I helped her father start to pull out of his depression. But, in some cases, maybe there is something that can be done.

I wonder, too, whether these thoughts can be used for the good - to reflect on our past and make a commitment to make a positive impact on others. As in my previous post, be the "coffee beans" that change water into coffee. Be a positive influence on those around us. Be a sweet fragrance. A good taste in the mouth. Someone that is captivating and genuinely drawing people in because of your character and beauty. Maybe the best thing to do is to make a new ending by creating a new beginning, or by changing the plot line of the story. Start right now and do what you can. We need to make that choice. And, maybe we're already doing all those things, but I'm sure there's room to grow. We need to truly live rather than passively experiencing life.

I'm sure questions that cross our minds are, "Have I made an impact on others' lives?" or "Would people be able to honestly say good things about me at my funeral"? During a conversation with some friends recently, we talked about this idea. We wondered why it takes a funeral for people to speak good things about others and we wondered whether we could make a business of having pre-death funerals. That's a bit tongue-and-cheek, but really, it came down to - we need to make more of an effort to let others know when we appreciate them and the little things about them that we enjoy. Yet, our society seems to make us quite uncomfortable with this idea - both as the receiver and as the giver.

And, honestly, it doesn't really matter when it comes down to it, whether people come to your funeral or not - at least not to the person who died. The presence and support of people at a funeral is often more for the people closest to the person who died. For me, I know that I'm loved and I believe those who are important in my life would come. And, even if they would not, a funeral isn't about me. Not directly. A funeral and the days leading up to the service, and even times after that, are about the process of letting go as well as celebrating life. A way to remember. A way to re-experience some of the things our loved one loved - in honour and in memory. Maybe some favourite songs, or a reminder of why they believed what they believed, or sharing memories, or looking at pictures, or having a display to remind people of the things the individual loved. Sharing a piece of the individual with everyone there.

Thinking about death also leads to thinking about what does 'truly living' mean. Why am I still around on earth while others have passed on? I don't have answers for you - about myself or you. As far as 'truly living', I think it means to be active in life - not just letting life happen to you. To be full of life (which doesn't mean you have to be out-going and the centre of attention). To love people - genuinely. To act on your faith and what you believe. And I'm sure there's more. But I'll leave it at that for now.

Carrot, Egg and Coffee article (and link)

2009-11-14T14:02:00.009-07:00

I came across this article. I'd like to share it with you. I'd like to think I'm the coffee beans in this illustration ... but I can easily see how possible it is to be the egg or the carrots. Click on the article title below for the link to the article - on that page, look for the picture above and click on that link. I couldn't find the author.

Carrot, Egg and Coffee...
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean?"

Her mother explained each of the objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

It's easier to build a child than repair an adult!
This is so true - may we all be COFFEE

Superman meets Medicine

2009-11-13T00:57:00.003-07:00

So you thought Kryptonite was only linked to Superman? Well, now Kryptonite seems to have the power to aid in quicker recoveries from heart surgeries and bone repairs. Calgary doctors are using Kryptonite bone cement as glue to hold the sternum together. Doctors have also used Kryptonite (bone cement) to repair broken ribs. According to Medical Discovery News, this Kryptonite has a similar chemical formula to the chemicals Lex Luthor stole from the museum in Superman but it looks nothing like the green glowing crystals.

Links:
CBC News Nov. 12/09
Medical Discovery News

and a rather amusing commentary on Superman and his 'allergy' to Kryptonite:
Superman's Allergy to Kryptonite Cured!

I forgot to mention .... the Patmobile was revived

2009-11-07T17:41:00.003-07:00

As the title states, I forgot to mention, the Patmobile was revived. Turns out, it was the alternator. The mechanic sounded surprised that the charging system was completely dead, as though they don't see that situation so often. Definitely a good thing I didn't keep on driving. She seems to be running fine now. $440 later.

My business just might get launched ....

2009-11-04T22:51:00.004-07:00

As some of you know, I'm taking a class on Small Business. I've been thinking a lot and looking at options, and at this time, it looks like a good opportunity to start my own OT consulting business. It's something I've wanted to do, probably since my first year of my OT program. I didn't think I'd do it this soon in my career. But OT postings are few and far between, and I've come across some barriers in trying to get employment. I'm excited about having my own business - that I can do a variety of things that interest me and that I can have a few different projects / contracts going at the same time ... but also a little scared. Scared that, once I get it going, what will happen if I'm low on business for a while, or if for one reason or another, a contract gets dropped, or if I get sick or fall again. Life happens, afterall. Because, once I actually get going and am bringing in money that is greater than EI, I lose the benefit. Actually, apparently, as soon as they seem to think my intentions are to earn a living with a business, EI benefits are cut. Then I don't have something to fall back on.

I have a few possibilities. I have been approved to work with veterans, but the referrals are slow - and that's not news for you all. Last week I submitted a quote for another contract - a 3 month contract. This week, we've been working out the details. It looks like it will be a 5 hr a week contract with some flexibility of additional hours providing direct client work as well as being a resource to staff. On Friday, the plan is that I'm meeting with them to finalize things. I'll definitely need more than this contract to make ends meet in a month so I need to continue to explore options, but it's a start. And, if it all works out, it should be an interesting opportunity. Once it's for sure, I'll post more information. Right now, though, it's looking like it will come through. It was kind of neat - they approached me and asked me to submit a quote. Yay for networking. So, apparently I have a reputation. :D And some good references. :)

Unfortunately, I've also come down with the flu. The flu, as in, slight cough, runny nose, slightly higher than normal temperature but not a fever, tired, sneezing. Nothing serious - at least so far and hopefully the whole way through. I'm overall not actually feeling sick except for the annoying nose thing and the annoying cough. When I really noticed it, I actually thought I had some sort of allergic reaction - itchy, watery eyes, sneezing, dry throat. I was at class and the girl beside me was sure it was the dog hair on her clothes that was making me sneeze. My throat was sore on Monday already, but I attributed that to the dry air. To me, though, I often think of the flu as being more stomach related - nausea, vomiting, etc. I did have slight stomach like symptoms a couple days ago, but nothing significant. I didn't associate it with anything other than eating the wrong thing. I don't think I have H1N1. Who knows, though, I guess. The symptoms are the same as any other flu, particularly in mild cases. Hey, if it stays mild, I'm ok if it's H1N1 - at least I'll have had it. I wonder if some day, they'll find a way to do a titer test to determine whether people have enough antibodies against that virus like they do with chicken pox or hepatitis. For now, I'll take it easy. I won't set my alarm tomorrow and I'll sleep in. I probably won't go to class in the evening unless this is all over by tomorrow. I'm hoping I'll be back to normal by Friday for my meeting. Considering it's been 2, maybe 3 days already, it's a possibility. All that being said, I should get to bed and get a good sleep.

RIP ... Patmobile.... but hopefully you will rise again

2009-10-26T23:41:00.004-06:00

Today the Patmobile died. In the middle of nowhere. Well, not quite. At a truckstop along the highway. The battery light came on. And wouldn't reset. It did keep driving, but I was concerned the car would die quite literally in the middle of nowhere, along the side of the highway. I called my dad and he suggested I pull over. I kept on driving a little, then saw a truck stop, all while talking with him (on speaker phone, of course). At the truck stop, he instructed me to look at a few things, but I was too short to really see what was going on. Plus, I didn't have a proper flashlight. Only a little bike light flashlight. That'll teach me. :) Anyway, I called CAA, or AMA, whatever you prefer, and requested a tow, upon the advice of my dad. Good thing I listened. When the tow truck guy got there and tried to back up my car to line it up with the tow truck, it died. He tried again, but it didn't start again. So he put it into neutral and pushed it.

I got a ride back to Calgary with the tow truck driver. It was a monster truck with a boom at the back. It felt kind of neat sitting so high. Not the easiest to get into. He borrowed some wood from the truck stop so I could get in. Haha. That was kind of funny. He was nice enough. Pretty young. I think this was his first job as a tow truck driver, but he assured me he had lots of experience driving equipment. I had some fears of getting into a truck with a stranger ... probably seen too many scary movies. He went above the rules and gave me a ride home too. Apparently they are either to tow to the home or to a shop, but not to both. If the person needs a ride home, they have to wait with them until they get a cab at night. So, I appreciated his kindness in taking me home too.

But, alas, poor Patmobile is sitting in the lot at the garage, hoping to get fixed. I really hope she can get fixed at a relatively low cost ... and quickly. But she has served me well so far. 10 years, and very few big repair bills. Sure, I've replaced the battery a few times. A MB winter will do that. And, I've replaced the brakes a few times - it needs to be done again. I'm guessing hand controls and much city use wears the brakes faster. I've also replaced the serp belt, cruise control (yeah, I guess that was costly), and the power mechanism for the seat (also somewhat costly, but thanks to a wondeffully talented father, it was much cheaper than to get it repaired at a shop). But, overall, Patmobile has been serving me well. And I really hope she continues to do so. So, I do hope and pray she will be revived! Once I have an income, though, I may need to start budgeting for purchasing a new car.

And why Patmobile as a name? Well, I was going to say, 'check out the batmobile cars online', and even post pics, but I'm actually not sure what my friends were thinking when they named my car Patmobile. They figured the wavy lines along the side of the car, and the aerodynamic look resembled the Batmobile, and since my name is Patti ... well, naturally, it was christened as the Patmobile. That's better than the name for my old car ... the Paddywagon. Yeah. True story. And, again, I did NOT name that car .... the name somehow stuck. Go figure.

Does all sin fall under the category of stealing?

2009-10-23T22:40:00.003-06:00

I was watching the movie 'The Kite Runner' tonight. It's a pretty good movie, but has some rather disturbing scenes. I wouldn't recommend it for children, but the story is interesting. I may read the book and see how it compares. But the question in the title is what I want to discuss. The father in the story tells his son that all sin is theft of some sort. That theft is the worst sin. He suggests murder is stealing - stealing someone's life. Stealing a father, or mother, or brother, or sister, or wife, or husband, etc. from someone. Robbing the individual of a life they would never experience. Lying is stealing one's right to the truth.

What about some of the sins? I guess adultery is stealing someone from someone else. Stealing their heart. Or their body. Or both. Idolatry would be stealing the worship and focus from God. I haven't really thought about how others would fit into this category, but in a way this makes sense. Robbing someone of something of value. Disrespecting. Dishonouring. Anyway, I thought it was an interesting concept worthy of thinking about a bit more.

Tell me what you think.... do you agree with this idea? Any thoughts? Or do you have another idea that relates?

Classic Violin meets Rock

2009-10-19T01:21:00.008-06:00

Check out this video. Amazing violin playing! And I like how it's mixed with rock instead of the typical only-classical music style mostly known with violin. Kind of like the Trans Siberian Orchestra, who, by the way, are coming to Calgary (and Winnipeg, Ottawa, and Vancouver, for you folks there) in November!

Classical Violin Rock @ Yahoo! Video

Finally ... a little dog that fits in my scooter basket

2009-10-13T15:45:00.004-06:00

Today it's snowing. But I wanted to go for a quick 'walk' on my scooter. I wanted to take some pictures, but I didn't really find anything I wanted to take a picture of except for the dog in my scooter basket. See, I figured I'd take Molly out for a walk. Molly fits nicely in my scooter basket. Some of the time she was running alongside the scooter, and most of the time she was in the basket. She also sat on the bottom for about 2 minutes while coming back into the car garage. Here are some pics.

My Thankfulness List

2009-10-11T19:13:00.003-06:00

Being Thanksgiving and all, I thought I would put together a list (although small in comparison to everything I'm thankful for), both as an exercise to think about what I'm thankful for and to maybe to motivate others to think about this.

Things I'm thankful for. :) And, in no particular order.

Family. Wish I could be there for Thanksgiving dinner to be with you all. But, hopefully it will work to come out for Christmas.
Little emails that let me know I am loved and cared for (Thanks B H and KK H for the notes this week!)
The genuine faith of a child.
Friends - who have been there for me and continue to be there - Ruth, Kendra, Jason, Perry, Nathan, Janet, Mixed Nuts, Nanda, Katia & Renzo, Crystal, Mike, and friends I've made more recently!
Beauty and nature. Today I noticed the neat snow flakes on a leaf and SO badly wanted my camera with me to take a picture of that. :)
Photography.
My faith.
My church family.
My mind. To think, to reason, to discuss, to read, to process, to drive a car, etc.
My car. Especially on cold days like today!
My senses - to be able to feel the wind on my face, touch something soft (did you know that many items in store now say "touch me" on them? If I couldn't stop myself before, now I definitely reach out and touch those objects!), taste dark chocolate, smell fresh coffee, see beauty, hear music or the sound of a river rushing or the crunch of leaves in fall, to perceive where I am in space to generally stay upright when I need to, and yes, even for pain that lets me know I need to take life easier on occasion.
Drumming. And the occasions where I can't wipe the smile off my face. :)
A place to live, food to eat, the basics in life.
My education and experiences in life.
Ability to play various instruments.
Books.
The world of communication - internet, email, cell phone, television, newspapers, blogs, facebook, etc.
Good food, including turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie. Good coffee. Tea. Almost anything lemon, including lemon slices.
A child's smile or laughter.
Hugs!
Candles. Mmm ... playing with fire. :D
My scooter and the ability it gives me to explore places I couldn't without.
Warm clothes. A winter jacket. Blankets.
Sunny days.
Airplanes that make trips to MB (or elsewhere) shorter!

And many more...

Update ... and long promised pictures of my feet

2009-10-06T23:53:00.006-06:00

It's been a while since I last posted. I have a few postings in the works in my brain and I really do hope I get them onto the blog in the near future.

It's been a crazy month. Packing up my place after my injury was not an easy task. I'm thankful to say that at least I'm mostly back to normal in that regard. After I returned from MB, I started to get into that packing mode. I threw away a lot of stuff and went through my filing cabinet, discarding anything I didn't need to keep, and storing old tax info and things like that. It was a long awaited job that needed to get done. Ugh, I hated every minute of that! Although I found some interesting things, many of which went straight to the garbage. :) Such a chore. But at least it's done for a while now. Then packing. Another ugh. Particularly when I physically am not able to move boxes around at the best of times. I did have a lot of help in the end. I had a meltdown when I learned a group of people who had promised to help backed out at the last minute. I had no idea how I would get everything done and who would help me, and, overall felt overwhelmed with my situation - that I'm unemployed, that I had to move due to financial stress, that I physically couldn't do the packing or the moving and that I had to rely on others so much. I am so thankful for my church family and a few other friends who stepped up to the plate and helped out! The adjustment to mostly living out of a 10x10 bedroom and living with a roommate I hardly know has been a little tough. Particularly when, in some ways, we live very different lifestyles and have very different habits and very different expectations. I can use the common space, but I still don't feel super comfortable in that space. I think that will get better. It's kind of neat having a dog around, though. The dog is a Jack Russell Terrier. Molly is her name. And my bed was her favourite spot before I moved in ... and continues to be quite often during the day. But I do believe it will all work out. This week has been much better and I hope it continues to improve or reach a comfortable plateau.

The financial component has not been as overwhelming until today. Somehow I trust God will carry me through. I just had a moment - ok, a few hours - where I wondered how I'd make it financially to the end of next month. You see, I was under the impression EI would kick in at the end of this month, but I learned today that I will only receive my first money Nov. 27. Wow. Not impressed. And I got kind of scared. Now, when I rationalize it, I'm sure I'll make ends meet. I'll get my rent deposit back from the old place and I'll get some money back from Shaw. I've got to make it. I have no other choice. It may require talking to some lenders. Maybe to my roommate. But, maybe I'll have some income before then. I do know God provides. In my life, it seems to be 'at the last minute' so often. Really forces me to trust Him. And, looking back, things have worked out in really neat ways. Certainly not according to my plan. That's for sure. Haha. Afterall, I wouldn't even be in Calgary if things had gone according to my plans. :D

I do have some hope in the earning money category. I was accepted as a provider for Blue Cross for providing services through a program with veteran affairs. I'm excited about this opportunity, but I have no idea what kind of hours I'll get with this. The role is working with vets who have mental health diagnoses who have significant issues like post traumatic stress disorder, depression, brain injuries, addictions, and other diagnoses. There will most likely be a lot of co-occurring disorders. There could be physical disabilities as well. This role is not a case manager, but a role to complement that and provide the intensive support. I had been warned it would take months to process the paperwork to be approved, but literally, within a week of submitting the paperwork, I received my letter of acceptance. To me, that was an amazing miracle! I didn't even have all the required paperwork but sent it in with a note stating I would submit it as soon as I receive it. I saw this opportunity first last December. At the time, I was comfortable in my job and things were finally going quite well there. I felt that it was not my time to leave. And I knew a role like this could be a considerable time commitment, requiring day time hours. Still, it's been in the back of mind ever since. When I went for my 'interview' in Winnipeg (to work in Calgary), the lady I met with told me I had really good timing. Only within the previous month had OT's been approved on their list of providers. Prior to that, OT's had to go through a long process to prove they would be a good option for the role. So bring on the clients! :D

In the mean time, I'm working on putting together a business plan. I'm taking a small business course. The veterans role is part of this plan. I'm beginning to get excited about it but I'm also seeing the immense amount of work that will be involved in securing contracts and in getting the word out there. I wrote up my product description today after much reflection and hand written versions. It will still need some tweaking, but I think it encompasses what I want to do. I think I'll also need to get some kind of routine that will get me out, either for exercise or coffee or both in the earlier (in my frame of reference that is) part of the morning and then come back to the apartment to work. Not something long. But some sort of pattern. Or, maybe I need to find a coffee shop to be a 'second office'. There's also a library not too far away which could suffice as an 'office'. I may check that out too. In that way, it might feel like I'm going to work. And it gets me out too.

Not sure what else to add in the way of updates. But here are the promised pictures of my injuries. Like I said, my feet, knee, and hand are pretty much back to normal. No more bruising. No more swelling. No more pain - or hardly any. And I'm not sure I can attribute that to those injuries anymore as I frequently have pain in this place or that. My walking is back to normal too. Although I am more conscious of taking my walking stick with me to use on uneven surfaces or stairs.

The left foot. Notice the swelling and the purple that is most intense by the toes and goes up about half the foot. Oh, and notice the pretty big toe nails. :) At least my toe nails were pretty. Haha.

The Right Foot. Notice the yellow bruising on the right side of the foot and some swelling. This is the foot I actually rolled. I'm surprised I had no ankle pain or injuries with that fall.

The left foot, I believe only the toes bent ... WAY too far. And that foot would have hit the ground hard too on the top of the foot. I don't have any pictures of my knee. There wasn't anything to take a picture of. No external bruising. Very little swelling. I'm happy about that, particularly because my knee hit the sidewalk. But I lost strength for a couple days in my knee. And, my left hand didn't show anything more than slight swelling and a scrape on the arm near the wrist. I am so thankful that I don't seem to have residual pain and that it doesn't seem as though I broke anything.

It feels good to take care of yourself

2009-09-20T16:30:00.003-06:00

Today, maybe in act of procrastinating in my packing, I got a haircut. It feels good to get a haircut. And, I love it when they massage my head when washing my hair. Anyway, I've been thinking for a while I should get a haircut, just to clean up my look a bit. It probably helps in the whole job search process too. Anyway, here are a few pics from my web cam. :D But, it took so long for her to dry my hair, then straighten it. Not like I'll be doing that on a daily basis.